So last week in NYC, I decide to go back in time and watch some old films.
One of which is the classic, Sixteen Candles.
Now, I know this is embarrassing… but this was actually the first time I’d seen the film. Interestingly, the first “high school drama” I ever saw was the parody, “Not Another Teen Movie.” I found it hilarious as a kid, and gradually throughout the years have been picking off all of the movies referenced in it.
Anyway, as always with these stories there are some important lessons to learn for you gents… particularly in how it applies to dating strategies.
There are two primary male protagonists in the film we’ll be exploring — the popular jock Jake, and the weird geek Ted.
Jake The Jock
As you might expect, Jake is a senior, on the varsity football team, and already dating the hottest girl in school. He doesn’t really have any problem getting women, and objectively could probably get any girl he wanted (though is expected to be with his girlfriend, as she’s his social pair). Indeed, the main female lead in the movie’s whole dream is trying to date Jake.
And yet, Jake is “worried” about how to attract her. He’s sensitive, and assumes that who he wants won’t want him.
While in many ways, Jake is a “natural” — he’s certainly calm and collected, as indicated by his indifference at his parents’ house’s destruction after a massive party — but he doesn’t know what to say to girls, and is almost a little awkward. He mostly compliments girls.
Ted The Geek
In contrast to Jake, Ted is more or less at the bottom of the social totem-pole. He’s a freshman, and perhaps the highest bit of preselection he can muster is he’s “king of the geeks.” His main goal, like Jake, is trying to get the protagonist girl (Sam) — however, his approach is a bit different.
You see, what Ted really wants is some experience with girls, and to get recognition from his group of loser friends. This “need to perform” makes Ted get very aggressive with Sam, and no matter how many times she blows him off or rejects him, he continues to pursue her and escalate.In the end, Ted wins the appreciation of Sam, and ends up with Jake’s popular “ex” girlfriend… and even helps Jake get Sam. Ted acts a bit like a clown, but also a bit like an asshole. He doesn’t care about embarrassing both girls who trusted him, and goes after what he wants.
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Ok, so what’s the connection between these two guys, and why did they form an uncanny friendship?
Because they are the classic “wingman” pairing — the guy with high preselection (Jake) vs the guy with high persona (Ted).
Jake is rich, popular, and handsome — girls come to him. And he makes them fall in love with him because he’s sensitive to their feelings, and brings up their self-esteem. He’s out of reach, yet down to earth.
Ted in contrast is short, poorly dressed, and a loser — girls resist him viscerally. But he wins them over by plowing through every shit test they throw at him, and almost flustering them based on his indifference to their rejection. He teases them, tells them what he wants to hear to try and get with them. We could quibble and say Ted’s game isn’t great, but he understands the essence of it… and does the most important thing: he stays in the moment.
Both Jake and Ted are great examples of how Preselection is passive framing and Persona is active framing, and how your game inevitably changes based on how much of the former you’ve got.
High Preselection guys automatically give off tons of desire. If this is you, don’t be too much of an asshole as you will push a lot of women away. They will already feel “intimidated.” Comfort is your goal.
Low Preselection guys on the other hand have NO automatic desire, which means the guy NEEDS to run a very aggressive, neg-heavy, persistent game in order to get the girl. They will not be intimidated by you and so they need to be thrown off.
(Note: this only works if you have repeated in person exposure. Don’t try this online!)
What’s the morale of this story?
Something I harp about non-stop:
GAME HAS A CONTEXT
And not just a situational one, but one relative to YOU and YOUR objective value.
So don’t follow scripts unless you want to sound like an idiot.
Instead, learn the PRINCIPLES.
And apply them in the correct context accordingly.
The best way to do that?
Apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
