I was having a chat with a client the other day, and he brought up something funny.
So there’s a girl he’s interested in, and she’s interested in him as well.
(though he didn’t see these signs before we worked together, a benefit of yours truly)
Even so, he fumbled their next hang out… because when it was time to go in for the kiss, he got an erection and got self-conscious about the whole thing.
I was both perplexed… and not.
I’ve been around the block and know what sort of stuff runs through guys heads. Sexual shame has been a killer of romance since the beginning of time.
But take a step back, and it’s rather strange that such fears are so common.
Think about it: you’re going to kiss a girl because you like her, she likes you, and you get turned on.
And you’re EMBARRASSED?
The erection is a reflection of your desire.
If a girl likes you, she’s not going to be upset.
She’s going to be PLEASED.
(unless of course, she’s got plenty of sexual shame herself… which is another issue)
Women love to be desired by men they are attracted to. Women love attention — it is their emotional currency — and desire from a desirable man is ultimate form of attention.
Moreover:
Understand what the kiss actually is. It’s a stepping stone for sex.
This isn’t even a metaphor, biologically the exchange of fluids in a kiss calibrates a woman’s immune system for your sperm, and to reduce the chances of it being targeted as an invader.
(That’s why it’s instinctual, and all cultures to some degree do it)
Trying to divorce the underlying purpose of something from action simply don’t make no sense.
So.
Stop worrying if you get turned on while progressing with a girl.
That’s the POINT.
And if you’re still feeling some hesitation?
Come talk to me.
Dealing with sexual shame is a key part of the “deep work” I do with guys.
It’s one of the major habits that needs rewiring (you’re far from alone)
Sign up here if it applies to you: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
