WHY DO WOMEN LOVE STATUS?
There is one iron-clad law of the dating game:
Women love status.
Consciously or not, they gravitate towards men who have popularity, riches, and fame… and if in a relationship, desire that their men achieve higher status himself.
As such, many men make it their be-all-end-all goal to acquire as much status as possible. This is, in many ways, why so many men are ambitious. After all, ambition gets you status, and once you have that… the women will follow.
Yet is status-seeking a good strategy for a guy? That depends.
The Truth About Status
Status serves two roles for a woman: it prequalifies a man for consideration, and it magnifies any other attraction developed through game, masculinity, natural chemistry, or the like.
Thus while status makes a man’s dating life infinitely easier, status is not game.
Game is your ability to attract women through your actions. If you have status and weak game, you will find yourself either still struggling with women, or even worse… “claimed” by a woman who is not really attracted or hardly loves you, but is using your status for her own ends.
(By the way, those “ends” generally entail two things: climbing the ladder to meet a better man, or using said man’s resources for her own purposes.)
Status is a good thing and all men should aim to expand it, but because of these considerations, status is also a double-edged sword. For as you become more desirable, people care less about you and more about what you provide. Women love status, but they may not love the man who holds it.
This means as your status grows, you must become an adept screener and figure out the full motivations of the women you interact with. Your frame must be rock solid, and if your status is extremely high, you should attempt to (ironically) conceal your status as much as possible. Not only does this allow you to be more mysterious and draw out the attraction process, but it gives you the opportunity to ascertain a woman’s genuine interest in you independent of your status.
This “high-status problem” is a similar dilemma beautiful women face: do men love them for who they are, or just for their looks? Many beautiful women are haunted by the fear that a man’s interest in them is purely superficial.
Yet although men may care about beauty more than women, women value looks too. Men, on the other hand, care far less about a woman’s status. Sure, it plays some role in attraction – but a woman’s status is more relevant to a guy for “practical,” compatibility reasons. He needs her to be able to operate in the same circles as him, to live the same lifestyle as him. Very few men select a woman predominantly based on her status – and those that do are almost certainly doing it for the wrong reasons.
So why does status stand out as such a distinct characteristic that women crave in men? Why do women love status so much?
Why Do Women Love Status?
We talk about attraction here in broad strokes, however, it’s important to understand that attraction is not monolithic. It occurs on multiple tiers in our brain.
As we have evolved, what we are attracted to has evolved too. Today, we care about things like conversational chemistry, sexual polarity, intellectual ability, humor, empathy, etc. – the list is potentially endless. Yet all of that is of fairly recent importance – back in the day, our more primitive brain was very simple in its tastes.
Many people call this old part of our brain the “hindbrain” or “lizard brain.” Regardless, this is the part of a woman’s brain that focuses her thinking almost exclusively on two things: physical fitness and status.
Why, you might ask?
Because they are the only two relevant mating criteria for a woman to have a biologically successful child.
A good-looking guy shows he has good genes, and that makes him attractive for a girl to sleep with. It’s obvious why he’s a big choice. But really, to a woman a high-status man is even more appealing than that. After all, regardless of how genetically fit your child is, if he is raised in the wild without provision and protection, he stands a good chance of dying. But the more provision and protection that child receives… the healthier and better off he will be compared to his competition.
This is why women love status: on a visceral level they are driven towards provisions and protection. High status men provide this, and so women universally pursue – often unconsciously – higher and higher status men to allow them and their children to survive and thrive. This concept is known as hypergamy.
People will criticize the idea of hypergamy, after all it has little logical basis in modern society. But though that may be true, who ever said logic mattered in attraction? Biology is biology – and those biological triggers continue to control female selection criteria today – especially the more young and “fertile” a woman is.
The Different Types of Status: Getting Access vs Being Accessed
A discerning man, however, will realize something interesting about status: not all “high status” men possess the same type of status. Hang out in circles of high-status men and you will see this first hand.
One can really break down those in the “statusphere” to two types:
There are men who have access, and then there are the men who are being accessed.
In other words, there are men who have status because they have the resources or professional connections to be invited and accepted into the “in” crowd, and then there are the guys who make the in crowd what it is.
Can you guess which guy you’d prefer to be?
These categories blur very often, but generally speaking the former has their status defined by money; the latter by popularity and fame.
Girls may be attracted to the former guy because of the comfort and lifestyle his access provides, but they crave the latter men who have influence and power – who are exciting – who are in demand.
Understand: the man “in demand” can change. Roles in a “scene” shift; many “in demand” guys may even come from outside of the scene. But regardless of who shifts where, it’s clear there are two different types of high-status men in the environment: the hot new ones, and the consistent old ones.
Yet even if you are the “man in demand,” it’s important to have perspective. If that’s about all you have going for you, you’re sunk. Women love status, but status by itself is not enough to have good relationships with women and keep them attracted.
Status, Game, and Frame
Status prequalifies men and magnifies the attractiveness of their other positive traits.
Yet although it’s often correlated, status does not guarantee confidence or competence with women. Indeed, many high-status men have shit game and shockingly weak frames.
I recently ran into a man who was very high-status – in some ways the highest status in the place. He was dating a breathtakingly beautiful (and sweet) woman. Yet it was very clear after chatting, hearing their story, and watching them interact that he had mediocre game and was hopelessly trapped in her frame.
While she undoubtably likes things about him and probably cares for him, she did not date him out of desire; she attached herself to him (probably subconsciously) for “access” reasons.
Of course, he is oblivious to this. How long it lasts I don’t know (there are complicated logistics), but there’s no question it is marked for eventual failure or stagnation.
It’s a great example that shows the limits of status when it comes to attracting women.
Status gets you in, but it doesn’t make you win.
Yes, you should spend your time building your status. Women love status, and so status gives you automatic access to the highest quality women (and a great lifestyle). But not only is status-building a long game you must play if you want to win, it is not the most important variable in attracting women. Knowing how to talk to women, reading their signs, and developing an unshakable sense of self are all far more important and will get you girls much faster… and on your terms.
Conclusions
Being a great man who has an abundance of quality women in his life requires you to succeed in multiple domains of attraction.
Wealth, masculinity, confidence, charm, physique… all of these areas have their role – not just status. Just because women love status, do not think you can get away with using it alone to have the romantic life you want.
It’s important, but it does more to signal to women your viability rather than attract them on an emotional level.
Status and looks are foundations that elevate your game, but at the end of the day it’s game and personality that gets the girl.
So Don’t neglect them. You’ll find yourself heartbroken… and maybe even broke 😉
– Pat
PS If you liked this post, you’ll love working with me. Because working with me is basically like having millions of these posts, personalized, somehow keeping you accountable. Pretty cool (and weird). Action-takers only.
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