SHOULD I COMMIT?

If you walk down the street, particularly in a big city, one thing stands out to you immediately.

Sex.

It’s on billboards, with hot girls in lingerie posing seductively.

It’s on the sidewalk, with long legs, make-up, and a smile.

And when you get home, it’s online with the click of a button.

You can watch an attractive, naked girl get screwed in an infinite number of ways by typing a preference into google.

You can message scores of hot women to meet up on a dating app just by swiping right.

You can walk half a mile across town and get the numbers of multiple women on the street that you’d love to sleep with.

And with liberal attitudes towards no-strings-attached sex, if you know what you’re doing with women, you’ll get it.

Sex is everywhere, and it’s never been more accessible.

This is the reality of the modern world.

And for those asking themselves “why should I commit?”, it creates a major dilemma.

If you can fuck any girl you want, why get into a relationship?

I talk to men all the time about their dating lives, and I’ve seen it time and time again.

Guy likes girl. Guy enjoys dating girl. Girl makes guy happy.

 Guy says to himself, “why should I commit?” because there are “other girls out there.”

Girl and guy have sex for a bit longer and things end. Cycle repeats.

This is particularly acute for guys who have options. They know that sex is at their fingertips, and the fact that men tend to increase in value in the dating market until their mid-30s means at least for awhile things are only going to get better for them.

Why give that up? “Why should I commit?”

I suppose I could give you an Elite Daily-esq “9 Reasons You Know You’re Done With Dating” word diarrhea that you forget the second you’ve finished reading it.

But I’m not.

In fact, I’m not even going to try and convince you to commit to anyone at all. I don’t know who you’ve met, and who am I to tell you not to enjoy yourself if you are? If you’re asking yourself when you’re at the verge of getting serious, “why should I commit?”, power to you, man. It’s your life – live it on your terms.

Just make sure you don’t deceive yourself: You will never fuck every girl in the world.

There is no such thing as “getting it out of your system.” You will always be attracted to other women. And you will never fully sate that attraction no matter what you tell yourself.

Every single day I walk down the streets of New York City and see incredibly attractive women. Depending on where you live, your results in this may vary, but there is no question every place on earth has its share of women that are going to physically turn you on.

This is a reality every man faces.

I face it in spite of the fact that I am in love with and married to one of the hottest women out there, have amazing sex with her regularly, and have experienced far more than the average man’s share of dating.

None of it matters. Part of me still wants other women physically – and I am far from alone. This is the life of every man. And trust me ladies, if you think your man is different – you are delusional.

As a 90 year old man once said to a young man who asked him when he stopped wanting women, “You’ll have to ask me when I’m older.”

The urge for men to sleep with attractive women will never end, no matter who they are with.

So why not just sow your wild oats forever? “Why should I commit?”

If an itch will always itch no matter how much you scratch it, should you spend time scratching it or do something else? Is “why should I commit” the best thing I should be asking myself?

Once you realize that you are never going to fuck away your desire for fucking, you need to ask yourself a crucial question:

Is it worth it for me to be focused on fucking?

This is a question only you can answer. You may be in a stage of life where this freedom is important for you, and the experience of finding new people to sleep with is liberating.

That’s fine. Life is a journey through many seasons. Some people prefer summer, others like fall.

Just understand going into it that you can “feed the beast” with new women for the rest of your life and never get rid of the desire for more, even as other opportunities pass you by.

You can ask yourself “why should I commit,” you can scratch the itch till it bleeds, but it’s going to start itching again the second you stop scratching it. There is no way out.

Everybody wants it all. But the truth is, “all” isn’t possible.

Few things are certain in this life except death.

Which means your time is limited and your situations are temporary.

You will have to make decisions and allow tradeoffs.

Accepting this reality is not “settling,” it is maturity.

When you ask yourself, “why should I commit?,” you need to be aware of the full consequences of your aciton. If you really and truly do not want to a life-long partner and kids, then kudos – you’re doing it right by avoiding commitment and sleeping around.

But if you do, you need to ask yourself: does what you’re doing make sense? Is “why should I commit?” really an unanswerable question?

Your desire for other women won’t disappear. You gain nothing by lying to yourself.

What do you want and what are your values?

The grass is always greener. Stop complaining about it and make a choice.

Single people wish they were in relationships, relationship people wish they were single. At least in some ways, this will always be true.

Only a child dwells upon the roads he didn’t take and doesn’t enjoy the one he’s on.

I asked myself, “why should I commit?,” and I made a decision. And I’m happy I did.

I could be sleeping with different girls every week if I wanted to. I could have multiple “girlfriends” I see on a regular basis – I’ve done it before and I could do it again.

But what would I be giving up?

Dating like that was fun, but it was also exhausting – and my life was consumed by it.

Even people like Jack Murphy who are experts at non-monogamous relationships and know how to minimize drama, keep the intimacy, and maximize the sexual exploration had children in a vastly different, more traditional relationship. (His blog is a must-read, by the way)

There is always a tradeoff.

For me, one-night stands felt empty, and though I enjoyed dating multiple girls I cared about, that care meant that there were massive emotional expectations to manage. Not only did this take work, but in the long-term it was unfair – most of these girls weren’t happy being in this unstable dynamic, and moreover, what was it all leading to?

Nothing. It was a lot of energy invested in something with no future returns.

My relationship, on the other hand, promises me a lifetime with someone I adore and trust, who treats me like a King, who I have incredible sex with, who shares my values and passions, supports me in my ambitions, and who provides me long-term with the foundation of a close-knit family. Oh, and did I mention she’s hot?

Yeah, I’m attracted to other women, but who cares? If I was sleeping with them, I’d be giving up at least some – if not most – of those relationship benefits, all of which are more serving to my life and goals.

Figure out what you want and go for it, whatever that is. Just don’t be a slave to your impulses and fears.

Fuck multiple girls, or fuck one girl – it doesn’t matter to me. Ask yourself “why should I commit?” all day. All that matters is you are acting according to your higher priorities and out of desire, not fear.

Just as some guys can’t stay single a month out of a relationship because they are afraid of independence, many guys don’t get into relationships at all because they are afraid of missing out on some magical perfect pussy that might walk around the corner.

They don’t realize the degree to which this thinking is a trap.

Because really, you are always missing out on something; the question is not if, but what. And most of the time what you imagine you’re missing out on is nothing like the reality.

You need to choose.

Just remember, you do not have forever, and you will always have regrets.

The key is making sure the regrets aren’t the big ones. Accepting that your time is limited and making the best out of it.

There is a whole spectrum of the world to experience.Don’t be afraid to answer that question, “why should I commit?” Don’t be afraid to move forward.

You’ll be surprised once you’re there how much less of that regret you’ll feel.

– Pat