Watched a movie — Midsommar — the other night that was very interesting.
(Spoiler alerts for the first ~30 minutes of the film ahead)
For our purposes, however, I’m going to focus on the central relationship dynamic in the film: Christian and Dani.
Christian and Dani’s relationship is, in a word, dysfunctional.
And unfortunately represents a lot of modern-day relationships.
Dani is a typical prozac-addicted millennial girl — unhappy. needy, and with serious anxiety issues.
Some of this is understandable. Her sister is bi-polar, and regularly threatens all sorts of self-harm. Dani is constantly being emotionally manipulated by her, and lives in a constant state of terror that she is going to harm herself.
Christian — her 4 year boyfriend — unfortunately bears most of this burden. She is constantly going to him with her emotional problems; meanwhile, his needs (like sex) are never addressed.
Dani, to her credit, understands this. She feels bad she’s constantly needy — she knows he asks for nothing for himself. She knows she’s a drain and is pushing him away. Her friend on the phone, however, is the typical “dumb bitch” who ignores the fact that Dani could possibly be too demanding, that there is perhaps a limit to how much a guy should take — if he can’t handle it, he’s just not the one.
Meanwhile, under (mostly benevolent) pressure from his friends, Christian is on the verge of breaking things off.
His plans get diverted, however, when Dani’s psycho sister kills not only herself but her parents as well. This leaves Dani alone. Christian — who was already in caretaker role — now gets pushed even deeper into it. Though it is never explicitly expressed, the implication is that Christian can’t leave her now, because she might kill or harm herself, left without any support network.
The result is a dynamic of guilt and resentment that is cringeworthy and uncomfortable to watch. Christian is constantly trying to make sure Dani is “ok,” and is willing to give up anything he wants to do to appease her moods. As his friends allude to, he is masochistic; he gets off on being the good guy, the savior.
The only problem is… he’s not doing any of this stuff for Dani from a position of good-will. He is passive-aggressive about it. Though he is always accommodating her, he is also always making her feel guilty for accommodating her. He resents being with her, but he’s too guilty to end things — indeed, he needs her to need him so he can feel good about himself.
Things get complicated between them, shall we say, as the film goes on… but I won’t spoil that for you; it would take too long and is not necessary for the point here.
What I found so fascinating about the critical reception to this film, is that they Dani was promoted as some sort of poor heroine — meanwhile Christian was vilified as the quintessential, manipulative “bad boyfriend.”
Make no mistake, Christian is a bad boyfriend. He’s a little bitch, who in a sick way likes Dani to be so weak, because it makes him feel strong.
But Christian’s big problem isn’t that he didn’t treat Dani right, it’s that he didn’t break up with her in the first place.
Dani is an energy leech. There is no guy in the world who would be happy being with her. She is a basket-case who is unable to take care of herself emotionally in any way, let alone anybody else.
She is the distorted feminine embodied. Christian sucks because he didn’t have enough respect for himself to leave. Instead of honoring himself and his boundaries; instead of expressing his needs and asking them to be met — he overextended himself, and kept silent… allowing his resentment to build, and making himself miserable.
There’s a reason the more radical communities of the Red Pill have support, and it’s because no one critiquing this film (amateur or professional) takes into consideration Christian’s pain, and how Dani’s bullshit is causing it.
It truly is an example of a “feminized frame.” Everything is about Dani getting her needs met; none of it is about Christian.
Which underlines a big question for you my friends.
How much are you in that frame yourself?
How much are YOU letting women take YOUR energy?
“But Pat, I have to, she’s got this going on, this happened recently…”
Yes, there is a context to everything… have empathy, don’t be a dick… I know.
But for 95% of you, my reaction is still going to be “bla bla bla”
The “bird with the broken wing” is one of the core aspects of girl game.
Any time you behave out of guilt, you are out of congruence. And when she finds a new target, you will suffer accordingly.
But whatever.
I know some of you will keep doing what you’re doing regardless.
Getting abused by women, finding reasons to justify it…
There are a million excuses to avoid doing the work. I’ve heard them all.
One of the reasons I’m not cheap is so those who aren’t ready won’t waste my time.
If you’re ready to give up your bullshit and attract healthy women, apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
