A reader writes in:
Hey Pat,
Thanks for all the valuable content you put out.
I‘m curious about your opinion on the situation I am in with a girl currently. I’m sure it’s pretty common amongst guys. I’ve been hanging out and having sex with a girl about 3 times a week for the past 3 months. It’s not just physical as we go out to eat, hike, etc.About a month ago as we were lying in bed, she asked me if I was seeing anyone else. I told her no (which was true) and she said she was just curious because I am hard to read.
A few days ago a similar thing happened where she asked me how I felt about her. I told her I liked her a lot and she said the same about me. She still said I am hard to read and wishes I talked to her more throughout the week.
She likes to text me or Snapchat me pretty much every day throughout the week. I do not really reach out to her first because she usually initiates conversation every day.
Is she waiting for me to ask her to be my girlfriend? This is what my gut is telling me, but I’m wondering if you think this is the right move. I definitely could see myself with her. Thanks for your help.
—-
Short answer?
YES that is exactly what she wants.
And by the sounds of it the guy likes her… so I don’t see anything holding him back, especially since the corona shut-in means we’re in a prime situation to “settle down” with someone.
The reason she’s saying “you’re hard to read” or “I wish you texted me more,” is because you are showing her mostly that you like her, that you’re not seeing anybody else, but you’re not committing to her.
Which means that your desire is high, but the comfort a bit lacking.
An OK, even desirable (lol) situation for a bit.
But this is tension that if not resolved soon will start to turn to distrust. It will go from anticipation to resentment.
You want to keep her on her edge, you want to create an emotional JOURNEY for her.
But suspense and feelings of low self-worth are very different things.
Think of it like sex.
There is building up to climax, and there can be enjoyment in temporarily postponing it… bringing her close, and then pulling back… controlling the tension…
But at a certain point, if you don’t let her “cum” you are actually creating frustration and annoyance.
So understand the artistry of this all.
Which brings me to the bulk of what I’ve wanted to talk about.
There are mixed perspectives when it comes to asking a girl out.
Many believe it’s HER job to ask you out. Or that if you are going to do it, you should wait to a situation like the above… where she is practically desperate for it, even getting needy.I get these arguments. And I think there is valuable truth in them.
The comfort / desire balance is ESSENTIAL. And you don’t want to give comfort until you are sure desire is locked in.But there is another thing to consider here.
And that is the element of Tactics vs Strategy.
If you and a girl are hanging out regularly for 2-3 months.
Having sex. Enjoying each other’s time together.
There is NO REASON any woman who is worth committing to would say no if you asked her out.
In fact… asking her out, and having her be “weird” about it is an enormous tell this woman has SERIOUS intimacy issues that have slipped under the radar.
And so while “tactically” you may have shot yourself in the foot with the whole thing.
Strategically you have SCREENED for a girl who has shit long term potential.
If you understand anything, understand this:
You want to push away broken women not try to find the best way to capture them.
Time is valuable.
If you are looking for a girl to date seriously… and you guys have checked all the boxes…
Don’t be a BITCH and wait until she gives you the go-ahead.
You are a MAN — make your move.
Do what YOU want.
Be proactive not reactive.
And if she tries to play games when you act mature and try to move things forward?
Don’t chase her. Just walk away.
Most likely she will come back, and you can have a little conversation about it… assuming she doesn’t take too long.
But if she does drag her feet?
Go on your own way. She WILL regret it.
Because you will have shown her that a guy can show his emotional desires and NOT be a weak little bitch. And it will be a rude awakening for her… because she will realize she lost a guy who is capable of self-respect AND commitment.
Anyway, with this virus lockdown a lot of these dynamics are going to come to a head.
No more flitting around.
So it’s very very important you get a great gauge of the situation.
Best way to do it?
Because I can read these situations rapidly and give you DIRECT feedback, with precise calibration.(just did it for a client this afternoon, in fact)
But if you’re looking to just dip your toes in during this economic dip…
Get my masterclass: http://masterclass.patstedman.com/sales-page
It’s 18/5+ hours long, and this down time is the perfect time to look at it.
All purchases made are credited towards future coaching. Nothing to lose…
– Pat
