Was asked to comment about this thread:
And I think I know the reason why.
Our community is very much about thinking and acting like you are “the prize.” Viewed through a certain lens, this thread about women “knowing their value and acting like it” seems very feminist. But the truth is that I don’t really see any man-hating that thread, just simple advice for women to not let themselves be treated like trash in relationships and to value themselves more. All of which is very good advice.
Understand, there is a context to all things. A woman who is an obnoxious bitch does NOT need to hear any crap about “knowing her value.” Or rather she does, but she needs to know her value SUCKS.
But an ENORMOUS number of women actually do allow themselves to be doormats, and get into relationships to externalize their emotional needs rather than address their issues.Which is a bit of a problem.
Because woman self-worth is the BIGGEST variable when it comes to whether or not she is going to be good relationship material.
Indeed, it’s a problem that in fact plagues both your bitchy and needy girl. Because the “my way or the highway” feminist is equally as insecure, she is just PROJECTING. She needs to control because she has no inner control. It’s why totalitarians congregate among the mentally ill — they have no independent agency, so they want some abstract state to take care of their problems for them.
“I’m weak and need you to save me” is the same as “You’re too strong and I need to break you”
They’re both LOW VIBRATION victim-perpetrator-savior dynamics.
The kind of woman you want is a woman who wants you, who can surrender to you, but who doesn’t need you.
These women are feminine but also add value. They’re smart, confident, and reliable. They are women you can build a life with.Which is why I support any message that builds up women’s self-esteem… so long as it is done in the context of OWNERSHIP and not blaming men.
Because that is in fact the only way women CAN grow and become happier. Everyone must transcend the oppression paradigm in order to discover their true power.
But of course, given the social destruction and toxic programming we’ve experienced over the past decades, not all women are going to be at that level of enlightenment. In fact, very few will be.
So what to do?
Triage.
I hate to say this… but some women really are lost, or have such a road ahead of them that you can do little but point them in the right direction.
But most women are actually very much “salvageable” — most are genuinely good people who want the right things. They are just LOST, and have had no men in their lives who will tell the truth they need and guide them.
Which is a problem, because they way women are wired means they have a very hard time discerning truth in the absence of strong men.
As Zero HP put it the other day:
Anyway, the point is that to onus is on you.
Both to discern which women are worth it, and which are not.
And to then guide the former into the sort of confident femininity they have always wanted to have.
It’s a lot of work, I know.
But the good news:
I’ve been there. I know how to transition a relationship from raw marble into a statue.
Because I did it for my own.
If you want my help with yours, apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
