One thing I emphasize throughout my Tackling Texting book is that you should only text a girl under two criteria:
– You’re setting up the date
– You’re adding value (to set up the date)
Details and tactics re: this in the book… but the basic reason is pretty simple. If you get caught texting with a girl without meeting up you’re not escalating the interaction. And lack of movement forward with women, like in all things in life, means you’re losing.
Which brings us to the story.
A client of mine met a girl online and really hit it off with her. And I mean REALLY hit it off.
He neglected to tell me for a few days… and when I found out and asked him to show me the screenshots… I received… over 130.
They were spending the day texting with each other, excited about all of the things they had in common.
Good stuff, right?
Well… kinda, not so much.
You see… all this “attraction” and “deep connection” isn’t really any of those things.
I was pretty certain of this at the time, because fantasy romance with a girl online is something yours truly experienced years back. Me and a pretty girl shared message after deep message with each other, but when it came time to meet up — she flaked.
And of course, I’ve heard such things happening to many other guys as well.
So, I wasn’t all that surprised that when I had the client start moving the interaction towards a date… that at first the girl wasn’t doing all the much to accommodate it, and then, flaked out on the conversation all together.
Now, you might ask yourself… why would she do this?
Meeting someone in real life when you’re an anxious girl desperate for attention is a lot more difficult than maintaining a virtual flirtation… but even moreso…
She was too emotionally needy to endure any reduction in attention
You see, I had my client slightly taper off the amount of texting. Because they were dumping their entire life stories on each other, having date after date effectively over text rather than seeing each other.
So we kept the warmth up, but reduced the frequency of texting.
Which almost certainly triggered her anxiety and pushed her to bail out… and find another guy she could get attention from.
A tactical mistake, right?
Maybe.
But a strategic victory… which is the main thing I care about with clients.
Understand: a woman who requires so much attention from you **when you haven’t even met** that she can’t manage to stay invested if you only send 10 texts to each other each day instead of 100…
Isn’t someone you want to invest ANY emotional energy in.
Because she will drain you.
And if you disappear for a few hours, or heaven forbid a few days…
She’ll become so needy she’ll start looking for someone else.
Which is what I imagine has happened already.
She’s found someone new to temporarily sate her need for attention… consuming them before moving on.
The lesson for you?
Well, you should have had a couple by now.
But the big one:
Make sure your tactics are working towards your strategy.
So many guys are like the dog chasing the car when it comes to women.
They are chasing it because it has their attention, but they have no idea why they want it or what to do once they catch it.
The result is that they end up wasting energy pursuing women who will not make them happy.
Tactics are important when it comes to attraction, but on their own tactics will lead you to BAD OUTCOMES.
They must serve the strategy: which should be something like having a healthy relationship with a woman who actually gives you energy rather than takes it.
So that when you run into a situation like this, with a woman who is anxious and needy beyond belief…
Your question shouldn’t be “how do I get this girl.”
It should be, “should I get this girl?”
And if the answer is NO, the tactical response should be a RETREAT, rather than advance.
Because by going forward, you might take some ground… but will only end up enveloped.
I know, I know… easy to say from the outside.
Being involved in a situation with a woman… when there are so many emotions involved… it’s tough to think clearly.
Which is why you should work with me.
Because not only will I give you clarity on your interactions with women (whether already in a relationship or dating).
But I will help rewire your mind so that when we’re finished, you won’t need me.
To give you a romantic strategy that is oriented towards self-respect and strength vs neediness and weakness.
Sound good?
I hope so.
Because the alternative is never getting any real, devoted love from a woman.
Only the temporary fake stuff, at best.
The sort of affairs that feels good for a few weeks and then leave you devastated for a few years.
Anyway, if you want to change these self-destructive patterns in months instead of decades…
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
