Last weekend I went out for my soon-to-be-married friend’s bachelor party.
Like most bachelor parties, the plan was drinks, dinner, and then a little “after hours” fun at a strip club.
Our goal was to give him a little public humiliation — to have some girls abuse him in front of the crowd. And, of course, get him some lap dances to “ease the pain” afterwords.
Only problem?
My friend is a relatively passive guy. And he was in quite the intoxicated state when we got there.
Maybe a little high too.
Plus, dressed in a tigger outfit, he was pretty much the “perfect target” for money-hungry strippers.
Sure enough, like a wounded gazelle in the wild, these lions were all over him from the second we arrived.
Within 10 minutes of being there, I had intercepted the strippers 3 times trying to take him into the back room.
By the end they were cursing me out for getting in the way.
But I didn’t care. I knew all bets were off once they went back there. They would take him for all he was worth.
We were going to get him “something,” but it needed to be negotiated… and he wasn’t the one to do it.
So I handed him off to his college friends and went to the front desk to talk about a package.
But, no sooner had I turned around than he was right back with the strippers again. I started feeling like the cock-blocking best friend. If he was into it, maybe I should just get out of the way.
So I cornered him.
“Are you sure you want to do this? They are going to rip you off.”
He shrugged. And I said “ok, have fun.”
A mistake indeed.
4 hours later, my friend returned from the back… with a $13,000 bill.
He’s not too happy.
(nor is his fiancee)
But, that’s the price of passiveness.
Because while I know almost certainly some salacious shit went down back there, the real story is my friend sat back and said nothing while girl after girl came in, doing whatever she wanted to do, and charging whatever she wanted to charge.
He didn’t ask, and they racked up whatever they wanted as a result.
Predictable to disagreeable old me, but c’est la vie.
No excuse not to pay attention to your surroundings and take the initiative.
If you let others decide for you, they will decide against you.
That’s just the way it is.
You’re done if you don’t enforce your boundaries in life.
In fact, a lack of boundaries is a major reason guys get steamrolled with women… whether they’re in a relationship or not.
Because women smell that weakness a mile away. And they will either run from it — or if you’ve got the resources to make it worth their while, try to take advantage of it.
Bad news bears.
If that’s something you struggle with, you should talk to me for coaching.
Fundamentally “weak boundaries” are an issue of frame, and frame control is one of my specialties. We’ll not just address what you’re doing wrong, but why.
We’ll get your mind right.
But here’s the rub.
I’ve got a new side gig coming up that’s going to be taking a lot of my time.
So I’m going to be raising my prices accordingly.
The hike begins on my birthday, June 5th.
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
Like my friend’s $13,000 bill, this opportunity too shall pass… but much sooner than his debts.
– Pat
PS I only publish old emails like this on the website. To join the list and get the new, daily ones, go here: www.patstedman.com/optin
