Hello my friends. It’s been a year. I’m very happy to be back, writing to you again in real time after my release from prison (pictured above).
We’re going to be talking about relationships today. But first, a little housekeeping.
For those of you curious about my time in prison, we had a nearly 2 hour long spaces last week. If you missed that, check out the recording.
(I also posted a thread on 10 Things I Learned In Prison. It’s got 2.7+ million views, so give that a retweet if you haven’t and help keep the momentum going! The thread will be published in a Blaze article soon)
The full story of my time at Ft. Dix, however, will only be shared in my book, which is planned to be released early this spring. It’s a story obviously of my experience as a political prisoner, and my journey being swept through the currents of history. But it is much more than that also. It’s a story of overcoming challenges, facing yourself, growth; it’s a tale of amusing characters, prison life, and culture clashes. It will entertain you and make you think at the same time. I’m extremely excited for it.
Presales of the book will be released in the coming weeks, and for those who buy in the first 48 hours, there will be a raffle to win an hour long call with me. (I will do a live video of me selecting it so you know it’s random!)
Those of you who were reading my emails in prison — rest assured that these are just a portion of the book; probably only 40% or so of the whole, probably less. Some of what you read before will also likely be reworked as well. The point is, there’s a lot you haven’t heard yet so don’t worry — you won’t just be getting a rehash.
With that all said… let’s address the elephant in the room.
I would venture many of you are wondering where things are going with me. After living and breathing such a different experience for so long, am I really coming back to all this dating and relationship stuff?
I’ve been gone a year from internet drama. From coaching. From my wife.
I’ve been out of the loop. Separated from my community, my vocation, my muse.
I’m back, physically. But am I really back in business?
The short answer:
Absolutely YES.
Don’t get me wrong. I expect to brush off a few cobwebs.
But I was driving a car normally again a few hours after leaving prison. I was changing diapers within a couple days. I even made a viral twitter thread after a year of zero contact with the internet.
A year is a long time. But it’s also not that long.
And from what I can tell on Twitter so far, it doesn’t really seem like I’ve missed all that much. In fact, it almost seems like — outside of the continued growth of AI — the culture and conversations are kind of stuck.
I don’t see a lot of progress, especially when it comes to the relationships between men and women. It feels incredibly divisive, almost like the manosphere’s “reaction” to feminism has hit a wall. Awareness of the “blue pill” scam has become mainstreamed, but no real way forward for the sexes has been presented. It’s just outrage and resentment, and women — tired of hearing the entitlement and complaints — are responding in kind. The dating market has become openly transactional: it’s use or be used.
I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say if things continue like this, society is doomed.
Which is the main reason I’ve decided to not only return to my business, but lean into it. To blow it up, big time.
I know this might surprise some of you. Many of you have no doubt wondered if politics would be in my future after being such a relatively prominent political prisoner.
And it may be. But not in the near term.
Neither myself nor my family are in a position to jump into that now, and given the corrupt nature of the system, it seems like a waste of energy to try — especially when we are not financially insulated. The way things are done in Washington will need to change for there to be a place for me in them.
We’ll see if Mr. T can do something about that. But this is the charge of men who have political power at the moment. And that’s not me.
Where I have power is in my ability to impact dating culture. To affect the relationships between men and women, and to promote a constructive and positive model of marriage that is fulfilling to both sexes. A model that has the essential elements of “trad,” but is actually appealing and sustainable in the current era, given the culture and consciousness.
Bringing this “new way” to men and women is where my heart is, and it’s where I intend to focus.
But what exactly is this “new way?”
Well I guess that means it’s time to finally dive into the content.
You see, there is something that these reactionary guys don’t get.
(And I know, because I was one of them)
You can’t put the genie back in the bottle.
I see a lot of guys who have an idealized image of the pre-modern “servant woman” — a woman who exists only for her man and her family, who is submissive and subservient.
These guys romanticize this woman because she lives for her roles. Indeed, since they can see society was stable when women were doing these things, they fairly infer this was how women were meant to behave. As the kids these days say, “WE MUST RETVRN”
Of course, I understand the appeal. I don’t even disagree with it in essence. Every man at least prefers (if not demands) a woman who hasn’t been around the block, and no guy likes to be nagged and hectored. Entitlement is one of the most unattractive traits anybody can have — it’s all taking without giving. And one of the most attractive aspects about women is that they are giving — it’s their feminine nurturing, offered to both husband and child. There is also no doubt that when women did all these things, whatever was going on politically, at least the family wasn’t falling apart. Which meant the people could endure.
But I want to emphasize something for the men here.
We live in an era of CHOICE.
I don’t think these guys understand that choice is a very new thing historically. Yes, women had roles they followed — but they followed them because these were the only roles available to them. And lest you think I am making a feminist argument about historical female oppression, it wasn’t only women — this bleak reality was little different for men. They had their own constraints in terms of work, based on their class and community. Even the powerful, who we’d like to think had more freedom, didn’t really compared to many people today. The ruling class had the responsibility to rule. And because they were born into this position, they couldn’t get out of it.
I say all of this to emphasize that we are very blessed to have choice now. AND NOBODY, INCLUDING WOMEN WANTS THAT CHOICE TAKEN AWAY.
That doesn’t matter if the choice women would make in the end is mostly the same as the role that was previously forced upon them. Women still need to be able to choose this, and they need to be able to choose it as something that expands their individual identity rather than something that restricts it.
The concept of “female liberation” isn’t and has never been the real issue between men and women. It can’t be, because this was a reasonable, natural impulse that was moreover entirely inevitable as men began to gain freedom from roles themselves. The trajectory of human consciousness across the board is towards more freedom, more options, more expansion.
The issue we need to concern ourselves with is the MANIPULATION of women — the programming to persuade them to choose things that make them miserable, and reject what would provide joy and meaning to their lives. Our enemy is the hijacking of feminine spirit to use and deplete women. It is this manipulation of choice that we as men need to fight against, not female choice itself.
But we cannot fight against this manipulation by trying to put women back into a box that suits us. Women are sensing that the deceivers in our culture don’t care about women — they are taking advantage of them. It’s making them receptive to arguments against feminism, and in favor of paths with more balance, more motherhood, more love rather than casual sex. But they understandably hesitate to fully embrace these arguments when the men saying them are trying to use women themselves. They don’t trust the man’s intentions, so they don’t trust what he has to say to her.
This is what is going on in the culture at large. You have a vapid, disgusting popular culture — overly sexualized and empty — that women are becoming exhausted by. They try to play along to fit in, but they aren’t happy. There is ample opportunity to turn women decisively against it, and bring them back towards things that would make them happy like femininity and motherhood.
But because guys have their own baggage and resentment around modern women, they resort to criticism rather than encouragement. They focus on what they get out of women changing, rather than what the women themselves would get.
This is a subtle point that I’m sure some guys don’t appreciate the significance of. But it is actually the center-piece of so many of the issues between men and women today.
There isn’t any good faith.
And the result of this lack of good faith is that both men and women are continuing to behave in ways they despise simply to spite the other. Women are becoming whores just to get back at an ex, or because they have been persuaded that they have no other value except as a sex object. Women are working jobs they hate simply because they have been convinced the alternative is being controlled by a man.
Yeah, it’s stupid and self-defeating. But the cold hard truth is this:
It’s not criticism, but love that gets women to change.
My wife — and accordingly our marriage — has blossomed over time because I have encouraged her growth constantly. I didn’t tell her she had to be some stay-at-home trad wife. My wife is very intelligent and capable. If she wanted to work, I wasn’t necessarily opposed to it.
But if she was going to work, I wanted her to work because that work expanded her. Because it used her gifts and potential, and provided her with the balance she was looking for. I didn’t go head on against her ego — that “women shouldn’t work” or “I don’t want a wife who works.” I instead encouraged her to find work (or not-work) that offered more freedom and meaning. Work that did this a little bit might be OK in the short-term. But in the long-term, we were only going to accept stuff that checked all the boxes for her. And I was going to help her get there, even if it meant more work for myself.
To a lot of guys, this seems like going the opposite direction. I should have been trying to fit her into my reality. But in effect, I was doing this — I was just doing it without creating substantial resistance between each other. I understood my wife, like nearly all women, wanted an incredible marriage and time with her children. Obviously, I expressed my own desire for such things, but I didn’t need to make them about me. Because by supporting her — and through my efforts to create a life for us that made her happy, confident, and fulfilled — she started to shift more and more towards wanting the life I wanted automatically, and supported me in creating it. It was easy for her to buy into my vision, because her happiness and highest expression were key things I wanted to create in it.
In other words, we weren’t trying to use each other — we were trying to build each other up. One of us didn’t win if they other lost. Our main focus was always on preserving trust and good faith. Which meant no matter what happened, we could depend on each other in anything.
This is contrary to your common manosphere thinking when it comes to women. The manosphere believes in leverage; getting what you want from women by maintaining power in the dynamic. And it’s true, leverage does have its uses. The more you offer to a woman, obviously, the better your interactions are going to be with her.
But you are better served building trust with a woman rather than building power over her. Importance gives influence, sure — but most the most influential man in a woman’s life is going to be the man who she trusts the most. This is the man she is going to sacrifice the most for, and change the most for. Because the more she trusts a man, the more of her heart she has given to him — and accordingly, the more of her life.
The manosphere, of course, understands this conceptually, and wants loyal women. But what they broadly don’t grasp is you only get trust from people by extending trust to them first. I have extremely close and dependable friends, and my wife has been with me through hell without blinking, because I was willing to get burned by being loyal to them.
Sometimes this sort of loyalty backfires on you. I moved back from South America early to be with my ex. I was hesitant to trust her for various reasons (I didn’t trust my instincts enough back then), but I ultimately dove in. It wasn’t long after that the drama started to get bad with her, and within half a year she started developing a relationship with another guy on the side. In her case, the more I invested, the more I got used. It hurt. But I developed better discernment from the situation and moved on.
I admit that experience left some wounds, but not enough that I wasn’t willing to keep extending myself. And thank God for that, because take a look at my marriage. My wife and I had been casually seeing each other long-distance, but when push came to shove about the future of the two of us, she acted in good faith by saying she was willing to make our relationship work by moving to the states. I soon after reciprocated by asking her to marry me.
Our trust for each other wasn’t 100% after this (we both had baggage), but it set a good foundation. She was willing to support me financially with my business in those early years, when things were just getting off the ground. Then, when my business finally started making money, I invested a lot of my early profits in an apartment in her home city in Poland so she could be close to her family again. We started planning a future where we could be internationally mobile; where my wife could have the freedom to pursue the interests she wanted.
Then the 2020 election was stolen, and I got involved in the January 6th chaos. Not only did we lose $200k on the election bets I made, I was arrested and we couldn’t relocate to Poland as we planned. Legal costs (which are now excess of $300k) and our newborn daughter meant we had to move out of NYC and stay at my parent’s house. We were eventually stuck in NJ. I blew trial, and went to prison. It’s a story all of you at this point know.
The opportunity cost of this was a five year delay in our plans, a year away from my family, and close to 1 million dollars.
When I write it all out, it looks pretty terrible, I’m not going to lie.
But it also makes me pretty confident in my ability to say I know what I’m talking about when it comes to building strong and healthy relationships. If my wife not only stayed with me through all of this, but supported me 100% without any drama — not only through a year of trial preparation but prison, sending money whenever I needed, visiting every week, picking up the phone when I called — it shows that I am not just some internet poseur. She was doing all of this while working full time, living with my parents (by choice), and caring for two young children.
I am not only living the type of marriage I advocate, I have stress-tested it under the most grueling of circumstances. And I can tell you from listening to conversations in prison — most women do NOT act like my wife acted. Most women disappear, lie, and cheat when misfortune happens to their man. Yes, that’s a testament to my wife’s quality. But it’s also a testament to the kind of relationship we’ve built. Most guys construct their relationships on power rather than trust, so when they hit a low, it’s over for them — the woman uses the opportunity to take advantage. They reap what they sow. My wife might not have cheated on me if I had tried to build a relationship on power. But she probably wouldn’t have stuck around.
Anyway, more on this in the coming days and weeks. But my point is — yes, you want feminine, devoted women. But you don’t want a woman who is feminine and devoted because she is weak and dependent on you. You want her feminine and devoted because she is strong enough and trusts you enough to choose it.
That is the type of relationship with women I will be helping men to build, whether they are looking for a woman or already have her.
If you want to be one of those men, apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
I am just getting this business up and running again, so prices will remain for now what they were when I went into prison.
But don’t expect those to stay around long.
2025 will be a year of enormous growth for this company.
One, if not two books will be published. And as demand for my energy grows, my client-facing time will become limited.
I encourage you to take advantage of this opportunity while it lasts.
We’ll be back full time starting on Monday, 11/11.
Happy election day in the meantime. You know the right choice to make.
Best,
Pat
