Viral video about a girl “getting harassed” at the gym made the rounds recently:
First thing I want to say is… as annoying as this girl is, don’t take it too seriously.
This girl is not actually traumatized. Her crying and response is exaggerated. You can tell when she is speaking that she is insincere (too on the nose)… when she asserts “as a beautiful woman”… this is not how a woman who has issues with being sexualized talks. A woman who actually held trauma around the male gaze would diminish her beauty and try to hide it.
And most decisively… she not only has a business which is based around SHOWING OFF her body on a regular basis…
SHE HAS AN ONLYFANS
So let’s understand this girl has NO issue with being gawked at by men (which is not even what happened here). In fact it is what she lives for.
This was a marketing strategy, and it worked. She is a cute girl at best, easily forgettable in the online marketplace, yet because of this “controversy” and her playing the victim, she’s now attracted the attention of millions.
I know this is jading. But I’d also point out that the response is actually a big improvement compared to what we’re used to. I remember this stuff occurring a few years ago, and the general internet consensus was “OMG sexism!” Now it’s “this girl is a POS.” Outrage and gaslighting by neurotic women about normal male behavior still has some reach, but has passed its peak power.
The circumstances of this scam have raised the question though: what should men do about women in the gym? Does this mean you shouldn’t even look at them, let alone ask them out?
I’ll remind you that staring is never a smart idea in any context. Yes, it’s natural to glance at an attractive girl’s body; indeed, it’s really an unconscious reflex. No normal girl will think twice about this, if they even notice. But if you’re focused on a woman’s ass while she’s doing squats, you’re being weird. Stop.
If you are ever inclined enough to look at a girl, make eye contact with her and then talk to her… or at least give her a smile that acknowledges the interaction. Otherwise you are just monitoring her from afar. She will notice and get uncomfortable, and you will be labeled creepy.
Now with that out of the way… let’s talk about gym dating.
Yes, you can do it. But it’s not generally recommended, and if you are going to do it, there are certain parameters you need to observe.
The reason I don’t recommend it is the same reason I don’t recommend dating a girl you work with. Work and gym are not places for distractions. You are going to the gym to get in shape. Bringing romantic drama into this environment shows a lack of focus on your main reason for being there, and consequently invites reputational hazards.
However, I acknowledge that if you’re in shape and you’re a “regular” at the gym, you not only have physical attractiveness in your favor, but authority and social proof. Which means that you are likely to attract a lot of attention from female gym goers, even if you’re not trying to elicit it.
So I do think for guys who fit into these categories, the gym can be a gold mine for getting girls.
But if you’re going to take this route, you need to treat the place more like a “social circle” than a cold-approach zone.
This means you a) look for buy-in from said girl before you initiate romantically, and b) utilize operational flexibility and take the courtship process slow, playfully flirting with her over a period of rendezvous, only gradually moving things forward
Maybe you invite her to a party with other people from the gym as your first move. This would be ideal, as it has more plausible deniability socially. You can however ask her out directly. Just make sure has give clear signals beforehand. You have less room for error than you do in cold approach, as your reputation is on the line.
And don’t forget: once you’re done with her, you are both still going to the same gym. So unless you want to change gyms after this romantic escapade, you need to play it correctly.
This means either making it explicitly clear “this” is only a casual sexual relationship, or nurturing it so it becomes something more serious. Being in the sloppy middle, playing too much with her emotions has high consequences in this environment.
Anyway, I think you get the idea.
As a rule it’s a bad place to approach women, but there are exceptions to every rule. Key to success in game is knowing when you are one of those exceptions.
Personally, I think “friend-zoning” gym girls is the best idea. Because you avoid the social ramifications of dating said girls, and fit girls have fit girl-friends.
But the devil is as always in the details of your gym, and the women in question. I can only answer in generalities unless I know your personal situation.
Which is why you might consider working with me.
Because then you have the significant advantage of wielding my expertise for your objectives.
If you want me in your corner, apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
PS Check out my growing list of testimonials on twitter and on my website.
