Put out a thread the other day on this:
It’s funny, isn’t it? Men know they need to initiate to get the girl. They know they are the ones that need to escalate to make things sexual.
But once that threshold is met, and sex becomes regular and easy, they begin to assume this is how it will be forever.
I’ve got news for you:
Unless you have a setup like Dan Bilzarian where your preselection is through the roof and there is overt sexual competition, your woman is likely to stop initiating sex.
After the honeymoon period, what was exciting becomes familiar. And after kids, her hormonal profile and focus changes.
Sex is NOT LIKELY to be top on her mind.
Most guys feel this lack of “interest” in sex, and it goes straight to their ego. They loved how into it she used to be, how much she wanted them. And they want that BACK.
The red pill, if we’re being honest, is mostly about solving this riddle. That is why the focus is on dread game, rotations, increasing their value while withdrawing attention from their woman. It is essentially trying to create that same preselection and competition anxiety as a celebrity to make the girl pursue.
Obviously, it’s not bad to increase your value. And a little attention from other women never hurts your own woman’s receptiveness (so long as it’s not apparent you’re trying to seek it out).
But ultimately this assessment of female sexuality is only half the picture. Yes, women are sexually competitive — and you can leverage that competition to increase her enthusiasm. But the other, and maybe even greater part of female sexuality is that a woman is turned on by a man’s desire for her.
I am going to repeat this again so it’s clear. A woman gets aroused based on how much a man wants her.
Which means that if the man is too sensitive to his woman’s initial openness, if he does not care more about what he wants than what she wants, then she is never going to “get in the mood.”
This is a dangerous topic of conversation to go down, so I am going to choose my words very carefully here. But in true sexual polarity there is always an element of the man taking the woman. There is always some masculine insistence and feminine resistance.
Rape is a uncalibrated example of this energy; a coerced extreme. But the modern version of the woman initiating or being “easy” is almost an absurdity in the opposite direction. It is a sign of the immaturity of the times; catering to the ego of the man (who does not want to be rejected) and the ego of the woman (who does not want to submit), while ignoring the sexual energy that makes the whole thing hot.
So what you see is most men act out, either by withdrawing attention (often towards other women a la red pill) or talking about their need for sexual intimacy (a la blue pill).
Some of this is OK. It’s not necessarily bad to place your attention elsewhere when your woman isn’t in the mood, or to have a conversation about your sexual needs if there is a communication breakdown. But the problem with the first approach is that when overdone it creates an unhealthy power dynamic, which ultimately leads to resentment. And the problem with the second approach is that too many of these conversations turns sex into an obligation, and makes her feel guilty.
Whereas if the man put aside his ego and simply went for it, she would have almost certainly responded positively.
And what if she doesn’t?
Then there are two possibilities.
- You have let yourself go and are simply not desirable anymore
- You have neglected genuine connection with her and she doesn’t feel receptive to YOU anymore
In either case, you need to fix it.
But how?
You know my answer…
Work with me.
I will assess your situation with both a professional and objective eye.
And tell you exactly what YOUR problem is based on the context of YOUR relationship.
So you have the solution you need. Not the one the “manosphere” says you should have.
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
