Yesterday’s email was a hard hitter. And it really makes you wonder — if game lends itself towards validation-seeking, and you want connection instead of validation-seeking… what is the point of game?
OK, maybe it helps you to “hook up.” But if you’re not interested in doing that, and you want to move right to deeper connection… is it even worth bothering?
You might be surprised to learn, I think it is important if not absolutely necessary to learn game.
There are three reasons for this.
Reason #1: Practicality. Maybe you say you want to move straight to connection with a woman. OK, then why haven’t you already? Be honest: it’s probably because you suck with women and don’t understand them.
You can’t connect with something you don’t grasp on a visceral level. And you can’t connect with something when you have a scarcity attitude around it — your need will bleed through, and you will demand validation regardless of your conscious intentions.
Game fixes all of this. You’ll come out of it understanding female psychology, and you’ll know how to attract women. How you proceed from there is up to you.
Reason #2: Defense. This one is more under-looked, but it’s arguably the most important of the three. Let’s just assume for the sake of argument that all game is “dark arts” (I don’t agree, but we’ll address that in #3). OK, well how are you supposed to defend yourself against it if you don’t understand it?
One of the common scenarios I am confronted with as a coach is guys who want to skip all the games and just meet that special girl… and who are subsequently manipulated and gamed over and over again by numerous “special girls.”
They have resistance to learning this stuff but they are nevertheless extremely susceptible to it. You see this commonly in “trad” communities where naivety and poor discernment are rampant, and interestingly among military guys — who are masculine to their core and unconsciously attract women, yet repeatedly commit to trash because they can’t read the signs.
Knowing game allows you to know when *you* are being gamed. Harry Potter studied Defense Against Dark Arts when he was preparing to square up against Voldemort. You think you will survive some BPD bitch without game? Good luck.
Reason #3: It’s Nuanced. Game gets a bad rap, and no doubt I’ve piled on myself at times for rhetorical purposes. But technically speaking game isn’t seduction. Game is understanding of how women work and how to attract them. It is an ability, it is agnostic: you can manipulate with it, but you don’t have to. It’s no different than learning how to fight in this sense — just because you know how to kill a man with your bare hands, it doesn’t make you a murderer.
Broadly speaking, there are two fundamental categories of game — there is game that pushes on a woman’s trauma and takes advantage of it, and game that pushes on a woman’s trauma and brings it to light. In other words: game shows you the leverage points in a woman, but you do not have to use this knowledge to harm her — you can use it to heal her.
This is so much more important than you might realize, because this is how you establish leadership and trust with a woman… which is essential if you want to connect with her. You actually are able to break her game — conscious or not — from your own experienced mastery. By calling out this bullshit precisely, you provide the tools for the two of you to move into a healthy relationship.
And of course… this knowledge of attraction can also help to keep things exciting as time goes on 😉
So the verdict is game DOES matter if you want a deep connected relationship.
You just need to have the right inner beliefs developed as well as a broader competence, so that the game is used in a constructive and ethical manner.
Which is unfortunately something rarely taught.
Most guys either know “deep work” or they know game. And if they know game, they only know a certain type of game designed for fast hook ups.
They haven’t seen game in a full-spectrum manner — they haven’t taken these skills and applied them in a way to create long-lasting connection with a woman, rather than simply spiking attraction for sex.
They wear one or two hats at best.
And look, kudos to them for being good at what they do.
But the value proposition of me is that I wear more hats than I can count.
I work with virgins who have never attracted a woman before. Married guys in dying bedrooms. Men who have no problem hooking up, but can’t keep women around. Men who keep the wrong women around. Guys in high-conflict relationships, with women who can’t stop complaining. Etc. etc. I have even dealt with spiritual warfare.
Frankly I am 7.5 years into this and there are fewer and fewer scenarios I haven’t encountered and solved.
Because I have allowed my work to evolve as my own journey has.
Which is good for you for multiple reasons.
As I not only have the tool kit to fix your problem with women.
But if your problem changes — say you’re a guy in a dying relationship, and it turns out you’ll need to meet women again… or you’re a guy who needs to meet women, and you subsequently find yourself in a relationship and you don’t know what to do…
I can help you through the full cycle of your love life.
First approach with a woman. Or 30 years married with kids.
All you need to do?
Commit yourself fully to the process of change. Show up. Surrender your ego.
And apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
