Unexpectedly, I stirred up the hornet’s nest the other day with this tweet:
But let me make a few general comments before we dive into it…
First, remember anything that triggers people usually has legs. If you say something offensive that is dumb it doesn’t really piss people off. It’s boring, and often not worth responding to. So clearly there is some truth to this tweet.
Second, remember that “some truth” doesn’t mean it’s dogma.
It pains me to make these caveats, but looks matter to EVERYBODY. If you’re a woman who likes physically attractive men, it doesn’t make you “masculine.” People make these jumps from “care more about” to “only care about” because they are either stupid or are suffering from cognitive dissonance.
So, with that out of the way… let’s explain why looks tend to matter more to masculine women.
The reason actually isn’t terribly complicated. But to answer it, let’s look to Fox News.
Fox News is notorious for 90% of their female hires being attractive, thin, and blonde.
This is probably because they know their audience: “conservatives,” who in the modern era love to see hot women “on their side” talking about freedom, guns, and “those damn liberals.”
Conservative audiences tend towards the masculine. However, in the modern era, all of society has been effectively emasculated. The result has been that both sides are looking to women to lead for them; conservatives just demand their loud, aggressive, argumentative women also look attractive.
There is a simple logic behind this, and it’s why many high-powered women care so much about their looks: a woman who is not feminine in her behavior can modulate her masculine impression by appearing physically attractive.
“But we are talking about the men these women prefer, not the women themselves Pat”
I know, I’m building up to that… and taking my time for a reason.
Because these women are masculine, they tend to struggle with dating masculine men.
This doesn’t mean they hate masculine men. They might actually claim to prefer them.
But because they are more demanding and less “soft,” many masculine guys get tired of the shit tests / lack of polarity and prefer women more inclined to surrender.
Moreover, these masculine women in practice tend to want to be “in charge.” So while they might enjoy the tension of wresting a masculine guy for control, ultimately they don’t want to let go. There is an incompatibility here.
And so these women — who are usually physically attractive themselves — decide to prioritize masculine looks over masculine demeanor, pursuing physically attractive men who are more passive than them.
This is a win-win for these women. They can show off their “hot, manly man” — without having to surrender any control. And they are validated in their femininity by the possession of a masculine object.
(Note how old wealthy cougars tend to go after young attractive men? Same phenomenon.)
Feminine women, in contrast, may find themselves — in spite of their fantasies — drawn towards a man who is not all that handsome, but masculine in behavior.
For these women, looks take a back seat to how the man makes her feel like a woman.
The gist of the formula is thus fairly simple: Masculine / Feminine = Looks + Demeanor.
Indeed, many “less attractive” women get solid men by doubling down hard on feminine behavior. It is a winning strategy, no matter where you are at.
If you’re low on demeanor, you must compensate with appearance.
Almost like the inverse relationship my book, The 3 Pillars of Attraction talks about with Preselection and Persona.
(You did read it, right?)
Anyway, you get the idea.
Obviously you want to max out every category as best as you can. But in reality, most people take tradeoffs.
Indeed, it is only rare individuals who decide they “want it all.”
Who want a gorgeous *and* feminine woman… with great sex, deep connection, loyalty…
But to have such an exceptional woman, you need to become exceptional yourself.
And the only way to become exceptional is to learn from the best.
Those who seek such elite results can apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
