Going to keep this email short and straight to the point.
A lot of guys in the manosphere talk a big game.
But the fact remains…
The biggest impediment to growth has been, and always will be, stubbornness and arrogance.
Unfortunately, these are common traits among men. Most guys would prefer to struggle and stagnate rather than admit they don’t know how to move forward.
They would rather pretend they are “figuring it out.” Even as objectively they move forward maybe 5% a year forward in their area of focus (if that).
They allow their stubbornness to develop resistance to change, and their arrogance to blind them to the need for it (or help getting it).
They have too much pride, and not enough humility. And so they don’t make any meaningful progress.
As I mentioned not so long ago to this list, such a lack of progress is in fact OK. Maybe you are not ready to change. Maybe you need to resign yourself to being in pain for the time being.
But do not tell yourself flattering lies that you are crushing it, or that you are “determined to improve.”
If you were determined to improve, your actions would reflect it.
Better to admit:
I suck at this right now, but I’m OK with sucking for the time being.
Or:
I suck at this right now, and I’m tired of sucking — I need help.
This is true in many areas, and of course one of the most classic ones is with women.
Being a coach for over 7 years has given me first-hand insight into the lies men tell themselves when they are stuck. For instance, it is a simple fact that the guys who position themselves as “the most serious clients” are always the least serious. Their bravado is a projection of how they wish they were.
The biggest issue for these guys is jumping onboard in the first place. They claim change in X or Y area is “the most important thing in the world to them”… yet there is always an excuse why they can’t do it. “My cat’s birthday is next Friday so it we’ll have to see after that.”
And if they do jump in, it takes effort to deconstruct their ego in order for them show up consistently. They are easily frustrated with themselves, and there is always the risk that their frustration rebounds onto you.
Meanwhile the ones who come humbly and admit: “I’ve just been really struggling with this and I want to deal with it, and I thought you were the guy”
These men are not only easier to work with…
But they change far more quickly and smoothly.
Understand:
I do not suggest humility because I want to be worshipped.
I have ZERO interest in that. I am not above you — I simply have experience and perspective that may be useful for you. My goal in coaching is to transfer that wisdom and frequency to you, so that it can help you live the life you want and get the women you desire.
This is a temporary process, and once it is completed, while I hope we stay friends… the barometer of our success is that you eventually “move on” and learn to trust yourself.
However, during this process, in the context of the work we seek to do — humility is important for YOU to learn and absorb. You must be receptive in order to receive.
So don’t bother with coaching if you are still in a state of mind where you think you’ve got it all figured out.
The ideal client is curious, ready to listen, and prepared to act.
Anyway, you get the idea.
Those of you ready to transform can apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
