Something very commonly thrown about, or at least insinuated, in the manosphere is this idea that “women leave men who fail.” Women are hypergamous, after all, and want “winners.” Guys who lose don’t get the girl.
Fair enough. I think we can all acknowledge that women like winners. But as usual, many guys don’t think this stuff through. What exactly defines a “winner?” And what is it about “winners” that women love?
I am probably going to lose some of you here. But it’s important we get to the essence of this if you really want to understand how women work.
Yes, a winner is someone who “won.” But physical results are ultimately the product of the energy that preceded it. All matter emerges out of a pre-matter template.
Or in layman’s terms, winners have a certain energy to them, and it is this energy that women are drawn to rather than necessarily the results.
Does that mean women don’t care about the results? No, of course women do. There is status in being with a successful and famous man and comfort in his riches. And for women who are damaged and materialistic, they struggle to identify winners by anything except their physical rewards.
But wise women are able to see beyond the material, and look to potential. They can see within a man the fabric for success. They pick winners in a broader, rather than more specific context. They know a man might fail along the way, but they believe in him — and perhaps more importantly, in his belief in himself.
The proof of this is evident if you look how women treat men who are “successful” but lack drive vs men who have fire and spirit but haven’t yet realized results. They become bored with men who rest on their laurels, no matter how grand, and are stimulated by men who are on their edge. Women may get comfort from the fruits of victory, but they derive desire from the attitude of the man who pursues it.
A woman might leave a determined man who fails over and over again because the lack of stability becomes too hard to bear. But she never falls fully out of love with him. This is a more sophisticated example of “alpha fux” lacking the “beta bux.” Maybe she chooses another man, but it is pragmatic rather than preferred.
And lest you think I do not know what I am talking about, I have not simply observed it time and time again — I’ve experienced it first hand.
My wife and I got engaged March 2014. I left my job a month later, took a break to travel and brainstorm, and then actively started this company January 2015.
I made almost nothing my first three years of business. During that time, my wife earned easily 90% of our income. I did not surpass her until 2019. Five years.
This experience was not comfortable or remotely enjoyable for her. The second year was especially brutal, as revenue actually declined. Why didn’t she cut her losses?
Because in spite of my self-sabotage and failure, my resolve was not remotely shaken. There was a zero percent chance that I was going to give up. I was certain of my future success, and was prepared to let everything in my life fall apart in order to achieve it.
She felt this. And so she believed too.
Anyway, the point is simple.
Failure is ultimately a state of mind.
The reason I became successful with women is similar to the reason I became successful in business. It is not because I am an elite executor. I know many guys who improved with women and finances faster than me.
I percolated slower. Struggled more than I had to.
But I never gave up.
I have often wondered why it took me so long, even as I knew success was inevitable. It was as if I had to sift through every little thing, effect the most subtle shifts in belief. Why such a tedious route? Why so many dead ends?
I believe now I understand.
I had to learn these lessons for you.
Guys who are successful off the bat simply do not understand how to cultivate success in others. They don’t understand the mind of a man who can’t execute; they don’t grasp his internal resistance and pain.
And so they can’t navigate the labyrinth of his emotions, and shift the man out of his diminished state of being.
But I can.
Ask for assistance here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
