As you obviously know, I work with guys on their dating and relationship problems.
Sometimes these problems have to do with attracting women. Sometimes the issue is attracting the right women. Other times it’s about keeping the right woman attracted. And still other times, it’s simply about breaking away from the wrong woman.
(NOTE: I go into these various archetypes of clients in my post, The 5 Types of Guys I Work With)
Yet whatever work I do with men, it’s important to understand that I don’t really work with them on their issues with women.
I work on the man himself; women are merely a vector into his own blindspots and pathologies. Women are a tool — to get the man to face and ultimately embody himself.
I mention this because the main problem with men today, reflected in their success with women, is not technical. It’s not really that “they don’t know what to do with a girl” (although this also manifests as being true).
Nor is it even per se psychological; an issue of “mindset” when it comes to women. No doubt these guys do “lose frame,” and do struggle to put up boundaries against women. They do over invest, and find themselves seeking female validation rather than their own.
But this too is downstream from the primary missing variable I see in most modern men. Which is a problem I would define as fundamentally spiritual and instinctual in nature.
Lack of vitality.
I’ve had a couple of conversations with completely different clients recently where the core problem came down to this. These guys were struggling with women (in whatever capacity), but these problems were downstream of their fundamental one.
They had no clue what they were going to do to “fuck the world.”
I want you to understand something very important about being a man.
You are designed to penetrate.
Penetrate a woman. Penetrate known limits — the frontier of existence, whether physical or conceptual.
Penetrate reality itself.
When you are not penetrating, you are energetically flaccid. You are impotent.
Women don’t want to fuck impotent men, because they cannot truly be filled by them.
The only men who are worried about their woman being “alpha widowed” by another guy are men who are impotent in this core sense.
They know the most they can offer a woman is the mechanical and material. They know they are replaceable.
A man with vitality is never replaceable.
He is alive with fire, and immortal to all who knew him. He is the instrument through which God himself penetrates this realm.
Yet too many men have shirked this calling.
Perhaps it whispers in the back of their head in the morning, as they trudge into the office. Perhaps they hear the voice — “is this all you were meant to do?” “Is this truly your edge?”
But then they ignore it.
It is, after all “illogical” to give up comfort. That is, if the purpose of your life is simply to perpetuate yourself, rather than embody something greater.
But biomass does not elicit desire. Biomass does not generate devotion or love.
Which is why most men today struggle with women. And why indeed, most women do not act as we wish they would.
The feminine is designed to serve the masculine. The muse attends the warrior. Not a blob that simply exists.
You wonder why the average female is so vapid and consumed by superficialities. Ask yourself in turn, where are the heroic figures — the men of adventure — they could direct their desire towards instead?
You need to aspire towards more. I cannot truly help you unless you do. Illusions will only get you so far romantically.
First things first. Reclaim your masculine spirit.
I will guide the rest into place: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
