You hear quite a bit in the manosphere about women hitting the wall (at 30, if not 25), in contrast to men, who keep improving well into their 40s… only then declining gradually.
As the saying goes, “men age like wine, women age like milk”
But is it true?
Well, as not only a dating/relationship coach but legitimate wine expert (I have a WSET diploma, which including lower level certification is 3 years of study)… I can say it IS accurate.
Though not for the reasons you might think.
You see, most laymen think wine automatically gets better when you age it.
Reality though, is that the OVERWHELMING majority of wine is best drunk now. Leave it a few years and you will be lucky if it stays the same; it will likely get worse.
Only a handful of wines genuinely improve with age, rather than fall off a cliff immediately. And the paradox of these age-worthy wines is that usually they go through a period of not being desirable to drink. High-end Bordeaux, for instance, is traditionally “shut down” the first 10-15 years. It does not even become enjoyable until it’s had a long time in the cellar.
(Due to market pressures, many of these producers are trying to make their wine more accessible in youth, but that is a recent phenomenon and I digress)
In other words, while it is accurate that men can improve their value as they get older (certainly to a much greater extent than women), in practice 90%+ of men DO NOT.
Which is why you see different accounts of people I respect like Nick and Alexander making completely opposite points from Multibeast and Nash, almost talking past each other.
Youth is a bonus for BOTH sexes and young men benefit from it just like women. You are dumb if you actually think your average 20 year old guy has a harder time getting a 20 year old girl than your average 40 year old, especially as the former has far more in common with her.
But the older men who take care of themselves physically (the biggest variable) and are well established personally and professionally do VERY well with younger girls.
These guys both look and act like MEN, and they stand out among a younger woman’s male peers. The latter seems immature and less impressive in comparison… because they are.
Now, this DOESN’T mean that *every* younger woman will want an older man. Some simply won’t under any circumstances; it is a psychological block.
But most women are malleable depending on the guy’s game, and some actively prefer to date guys with more life experience.
I mention all of this for a simple reason:
I have worked with well over hundred men who are “old” aka in their 30s or beyond. These guys, especially as they get past 35, tend to have a lot of sticking points that they “aren’t going to find a young pretty girl because it is too late”
Indeed, many guys in their 20s have the same neurosis (I find this hilarious, their life is just beginning).
The truth is all of these guys are fine. If you are in your 30s you have no problem getting a girl in her 20s. This is possible even if you are in your 40s, and early-mid 30s are easy.
The only catch is that you CANNOT be average. You need to be in good shape, and you need to be ambitious. You need to be self-aware, impressive, you need to act like a man — you need to stand out from the crowd.
It is not “too late” for you. Game can be learned. But do not lie to yourself that it gets “easier” as you get older. IT DOES NOT.
You have to put in the work.
Like a recent client of mine did. He was in his mid-30s, and had never even kissed a girl a year ago.
Here’s what happened to him after coaching:
I never had success with women. 33 years, no relationships, no physical contact and no confidence. All through high school and college, I hid myself away from people, never taking the risk of putting myself out there. After college, I wasn’t someone with financial success, but I kept myself in shape physically, but this didn’t do much to instill confidence in me as my mindset was still the same. Even if I would catch a look from a woman, I would overthink myself into paralysis and take no action. When I eventually took chances, it ended in complete failure. After failing multiple times, I returned to my shell. I figured I would be alone as some people are probably meant to be this way. I told myself that I didn’t want to be in a relationship and that I would never get married. Whatever lies were required to not have to face myself.
In 2021, I improved my physique more than it had been and also joined groups to learn to change my mindset. I took more chances with women and found that I could draw their attention, but outcomes all ended in failure. I had no understanding of what women wanted or how to attract them. I was guessing on what to do based on what I was feeling and continuing to overthink and overanalyze every situation. In the winter of 2021, I discovered Pat Stedman’s twitter account through a group. I purchased his Masterclass and began to learn about concepts I hadn’t heard of ranging from desire, comfort, energy, frame, female nature, game, etc. I was surprised to see how naive and unaware I was.
While going through the course, I was also pursuing a woman. This woman had burned me before in the past, but I felt an attraction to her, so I wanted to see if the outcome would be different if I had resources to help me through the process. Unsurprisingly to me, it ended in another failure with me taking the wrong action. After this failure, I signed up for Pat’s coaching. It was embarrassing and uncomfortable for me to reach out to him for help from the position I was in. I was a 33 year old virgin who had never been in a relationship or kissed a girl, but I decided that I needed help and that I would take the chance to see if I could improve my relationships with women.
On the first call with Pat, we did deep work. A 3 hour call to go through my life as a kid until now. We talked about my relationship with myself, my parents and my family and friends.I discovered that not seeing love expressed between my parents reflected on to me as I got older. I felt the shame from not having experience with women and how it caused me to overthink and not take action. We then had a second call which was 1 hour to focus on my inner child. I learned how I used my experience of being bullied to bully my inner child and never listen to his needs.
Initially working with Pat was intimidating. As we started our regular calls, he would only ask me, “what’s up?” or “how’s it going.” I realized then that I would have to put in the work and bring questions to him as he wouldn’t just be telling me what to do. He gave me simple advice within the first month I started working with him. For all my interactions, simply give off love and expect nothing back. So I became a man who gives off good energy. I found out within two months that not only could I approach women, but they were receptive and warm to me because my intentions weren’t deceiving. I was talking to girls and gaining more confidence. Whenever I would suffer a setback, Pat would guide me back in the right direction.
In May of 2022, I flew out to join my friends for a music festival and met a girl there. Following Pat’s guidance, I was able to be present in the moment and the outcome resulted in my first kiss. Two months after that, I had sex for the first time. Building upon this success, I met a girl in the Fall of 2022 who I began dating regularly. This girl is now my first girlfriend.
<Pat’s Comment: She is in her 20s and HOT>
Through consistency and being open with my interactions, I was able to build upon each small success until I achieved bigger successes. The mindset shift was important, but having a coach to guide me was the difference. Pat was able to explain the details of every situation I presented to him regardless of what it was. I was able to start from zero and become a man who can successfully attract women.
I’m looking forward to continuing to work with Pat. Knowing that I have someone on my side who can help me understand the context of the situations I’m in so that I can make the best decisions for myself and get the outcomes I desire gives me added confidence that I will carry with me forever.
—
You can either be complacent and let things get harder with women, or you can give up. Indeed, one choice invariably leads to the other.
Or you can decide enough is enough and show up and DO THE WORK.
If you take action, with my assistance success is guaranteed. Regardless of your age.
I’m here to help when you are ready: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
