Probably one of the biggest refrains in the manosphere is that women are attracted to masculinity, and are looking for masculine guys.
Obviously, this is true.
But what is also true, yet verboten to discuss, is that women can also be attracted to effeminate guys. Indeed, they are often seduced by them.
The struggling artist. The emo musician. Europeans. Women have a thing for them, even when they are not successful. It’s not fame. So what is it?
Some have claimed it’s because women feel more comfortable around guys who act more feminine. They’re more sensitive — they’re better communicators. They have better fashion sense and grooming. Psyops have taken this observation further and claimed that these are really the most attractive guys to women.
Perhaps there is some level of truth to this. But it’s more incidental at the end of the day. The real reason women can be attracted to feminine men, is because feminine behavior brings out a woman’s own femininity.
I know this is a heavy statement, so let’s take a moment to break this down.
The reality is that a lot of women are not fully connected to their femininity anymore. Which is why a man who is comfortable being sexual with a woman yet also able to understand the feminine mystique can make a woman not only feel understood, but can help her feel more like a woman.
And the more feminine a woman feels around you, the more attracted to you she will be. Because the more feminine a woman feels, the more at home with her true nature she will be, and the more self-esteem she will correspondingly have. Conversely, the less anchored a person is in their sex, the less confidence they feel (read between the lines: not a surprise we have such a mental health epidemic today!).
This is indeed one of the reasons so many women enjoy hanging out with gay guys. While it’s true most gay guys are a negative influence on women, encouraging them towards “dark feminine” promiscuous behavior… it is also true their open, feminine energy lightens women up. They talk about emotions, and help her pick out her clothes, tell her she looks hot. Gay guys are huge at building up a woman’s self-esteem, and making her feel sexy.
Don’t worry, I am definitely not saying you should act gay. But it’s important to understand why certain things work. A musician might look and act super effeminate, but he gets women because his ability to tap into emotion makes her feel sexy. The more feminine she feels, the more you can open her up, and the more attracted she will be.
Masculine guys often struggle with this. They operate as a point of contrast for a woman, which is different and exciting, and can make her feel more feminine as a result. But there remains a sense of misunderstanding and foreignness; a lack of understanding of her world, and an inability to get her to go deeper into her femininity. They can express dominance, but they lack that seductive element.
(Read: The 2 Philosophies of Attraction: Dominance vs Seduction Part 1)
(Read: The 2 Philosophies of Attraction: Seduction vs Dominance Part 2)
This is indeed the same reason why so many men find themselves drawn to defiant, independent women. They not only feel more understood by these women, and can relate to them and respect them, but they are turned on by the tension because these women are competitive and challenge them. This banter, this “keeping him on his toes” charges up the man’s own masculinity, because he doesn’t want to get beaten. A purely feminine woman in contrast might seem helpless, or even a burden.
The problem with these “masculine women is that what is erotic at the beginning becomes tiring over time. They might make men feel more masculine initially with their challenges, but they gradually kill off the polarity and ultimately the attraction, and ultimately emasculate them because cannot surrender. There is no break; a man is never “man enough” for her.
Women go through the same disillusionment with “feminine men.” Such a man might seduce a woman at first into feeling more feminine with his acceptance and understanding, but ultimately she begins to feel responsible for his emotional well-being. He becomes demanding and critical that she is not making him feel good about himself. He makes her into the problem; she feels less sexy and feminine – not more.
So what’s the big takeaway here?
If you want the best of both worlds, you must integrate.
You must get enough in touch with your “feminine energy” so you can be emotionally grounded and can connect emotionally with your woman. But you must also fundamentally embody what you are at your core: a masculine man. So you can open up your woman’s femininity AND be a masculine point of contrast so she can stay there.
And if you want to learn how to do this? To become an integrated man?
Simple: you learn from one.
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
PS Check out my testimonials here and on twitter.
PPS Review this blog post to figure out if you and I are a good fit.
