A reader writes in:
So I went on this date with a girl about 2 weeks ago (I’m 28 and she is 23). Our parents are friends and I’ve known her a long time. She is getting out of a short term relationship (like 4 months)…
I take her out for drinks and appetizers at a nice place. We have a few bottles of wine and the vibe (I think) is great. Laughing having a great time etc. We got have a drink after and then go back to her place. She is on her period so we don’t have sex but she goes down on me. I text her the following day about how much fun I had and my mom tells me her mom told her that she had a great time as well.
About 4 days later I ask her to get ice cream but she is busy writing a paper as she is about to graduate. About 4 days after that I see if she wants to go grab drinks with some of my friends but she is out of town for Thanksgiving. The last message we texted was about 3 days ago where I ask her to text me later and her response was “Okay!”, (she already texted me she would like to see me again). Final piece of info is she is moving about 2 hours away from me to a big city (Dallas) in late January.
My question: How do pursue her and escalate to a more serious relationship before she move away while keeping a strong frame (not needy, overtexting, getting her to chase..etc).
Do you have any thoughts? Love your work man I hope you keep it up.
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Getting to this one late, but even if I can’t help the guy in question there’s a lot here beneficial for others.
Unfortunately she is not looking for a more serious relationship. So trying to push for that sort of dynamic is only more likely to turn her off.
You gents need to internalize this about women… you cannot FORCE a woman to do anything.
Women are like cats. They come to YOU. Men who do well with women create a “warm cozy lap” that they want to sit on. They don’t grab them and try to make them be somewhere; the woman will either claw them or jump off.
This girl finds the reader hot, and since they’re family friends she trusted him enough to play the role of rebound. He was just what she needed then. But she doesn’t want to make it anything more than that… right now. She is thinking about her new big life in Dallas coming in 2023, and doesn’t want to anchor herself here.
The reason she’s pulling back is because she senses you’re more invested beyond “fun” and doesn’t want to deal with any of that. Perhaps in part because she doesn’t want to catch feelings too.
My recommendation in situations like this is to always take the pressure off.
She knows you’re keen to see her again. You let her know that. Now let her come to you.
You don’t need to say anything else, because if she’s down she’ll reach out, and if she’s not she won’t.
If she reaches out, then your focus should be on one thing only: FUN.
Go do fun stuff, have great sex, and make her laugh and feel like she can talk to you about anything.
Don’t say a single thing about a relationship. Talk about how much fun she’ll have in Dallas, encourage her.
This is a subtle “push” that lets her know you’re not going to demand anything from her besides for a good time when you have each other.
Which will make her want to never leave you.
Anyway, some straight of tactical advice this time.
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– Pat
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