A thread went viral on twitter the other day:
It’s an amusing story, to be fair. But honestly, it’s THIS section that I want to focus on:
“Is this worse than the man whose first words to me were ‘So… you’re, like, MISLEADINGLY photogenic’?
I only slept with one of them, place your bets”
—
Not a hard bet to place, even if you didn’t catch her later comment confirming it wasn’t the zoo guy, who “didn’t get lucky.”
This is a nuclear level neg, and negs work on girls who lack a strong sense of self. It’s why they are attracted to assholes: assholes don’t give them undue esteem (which they don’t feel they deserve anyway).
But perhaps even more importantly, assholes are assertive, and boundary-less girls tend to be passive to a fault. She very well might have not wanted to have sex, but the guy moved things forward — and she complied. It happens all the time.
Reminds me of a story a girl I used to date told me, which I might be butchering but will try to remember as best as I can.
Basically, she went on a date with a guy a year or so earlier. The guy was a weirdo, loser, you name it — she did NOT enjoy the date. She spent awhile talking about all the random stuff he did that was unattractive (I can’t remember the deets, sorry).
I was sympathetic and laughing throughout her tale — she was a funny girl, and her sense of humor was one of the reasons we got along — plus this guy sounded like a total clown. So I was confused when she said she let him back to her place. That would seem like a basic no-no for a guy you didn’t like. But even if she made that mistake, surely she wouldn’t get sexual with him, right?
Apparently I was wrong. While she didn’t “do” anything to him, the guy took his dick out, started jerking off and came *on* her. This was indeed, the “icing on the cake” to this mess of a date – pun very much intended.
When I heard this story, I was astounded, because it was so beyond humiliating. And yet she just let it happen.
Why would a woman do this?
Well the truth is, while she was feminine and I enjoyed her company, she was kinda “mid” in the looks department. I mention this because as I said in an email a few weeks ago, it’s these average-looking girls who tend to rack up the most bodies. Part of this is them needing to resort to sex to get attention (this was certainly true in my case), but it also has to do with fundamentally low self-worth. These women tolerate being treated like sexual throw-away dolls, and that’s what they become. An ambivalence and irony about their sexual mishaps is how they try to cope with it.
I don’t know what happened to the girl I used to date, but I’m happy this girl on twitter found a man and is now a mother, living a better life. I’m glad she has awareness that she spent her 20s essentially abusing herself, and doesn’t miss those days. Her transformation after experiencing love is an indictment to so much of the binary thinking about a woman’s past defining her future.
But I’m also glad I’m not her guy. In exchange for accepting her decade of disposability, she appears to have rewarded him by taking even less care of herself. She is obese.
Which brings me to the nuance here I want to point out.
There is a difference between holding compassion for a woman and accepting mistakes she made, and absolving her of the mindset that got her there.
The reality is this guy settled. He accepted her “as she was,” which is beautiful in one sense, yet disgusting in the other, because he also accepted the low standards she had for herself. If he divorced her, I guarantee she would return to the apps and indulge in the same self-destructive behavior as before, to fill the same hole that still exists within her.
I know I’m being a complete and total asshole, but these blunt truths are key to discernment with woman.
If a girl was promiscuous, but claims “she’s stopped since she met you” — then you have not met a changed woman. She may not cheat if your value exceeds hers, but the same low self-esteem issues that drove her slutty self-abuse remain and will resurface in other ways. Twitter girl got fat. Yours may lash out at you. There are many ways the problems will manifest, but manifest they will.
No, I do not expect women to figure out everything on their own. In many ways it is only a man’s love that can truly change a woman; indeed, I am skeptical a woman can get to a fully healthy state without it.
But there is some preconditional level of self-awareness and intent that must occur to make a woman worth investing your love into. Otherwise you are not being accepting of her past sins, you are being a savior.
This is a difficult line to walk for most guys, especially when they are “in it” with a woman, because they tend to get emotionally compromised.
Which is one of the benefits of having a coach.
I have a razor sharp intuition and capacity to assess a woman’s quality, not simply on a linear basis (weighing tangible attributes), but from a the standpoint of consciousness itself.
I can tell which “red flags” are really erroneous, and which “minor” character flaws belie future catastrophes.
In other words, I can suss out a woman’s bullshit INSTANTLY.
So if you suck at this…
You should probably work with me, unless you want to marry a woman who makes the next few years of your life miserable.
Yes, I am expensive. Expect to pay mid-4 figures. What, did you think quality would be cheap?
You either pay with money now… or you pay with money, time, and anguish later.
But maybe you prefer to learn the hard way. That’s fine. I’ve found it takes most guys a certain amount of pain before they stop placing money before wisdom.
(Money is EASY when you have emotional self-control and awareness, which is why over a third of clients end up making big financial gains during and immediately after our work)
But I digress.
For those who are ready to live differently, and be loved by women differently…
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
PS Testimonials are on my site but I am currently collating them on a Twitter thread here. I have scores to get through so will add a few weekly.
