Super controversial thread hit the timeline the other day:



Understandably a lot of guys were pissed I drew attention to it. And likely those same guys are annoyed I am doing so to an even greater degree now.

So let me first get a few things out of the way:

1) As I have said on past occasions, this is NOT something I endorse or that I live out myself. While I get the appeal on a base, physical level, I believe there are downstream consequences to this spiritually and structurally (would you want your daughter in the same position?).

2) I don’t want to be accused of any passive aggressive “subtweeting” so it should be known that this is essentially a reproduction of the relationship model Andrew Tate promotes in his PhD course (Christian should have given credit IMO, but that’s not my business).

Why note that this model “works” if I don’t personally agree with it?

Because a) there is value in understanding why such an approach is effective and b) it is important to challenge romantic preconceptions given clown world programming.

Which is why — despite how triggering this subject might be for some of you — I encourage you to read until the end and allow this exploration.

So let’s dig in…

We are told that sexual fidelity / monogamy is a must for women. But the reality is many (not most) women actually could be OK with you sleeping with other women. Approximately 10-15% of women are bicurious (less jealous / more inclined to share), and another let’s say another 20-30% would be willing to overlook a “cheating” man (over the long term)… assuming certain things about him.

These “certain things” however are pretty substantial, and well out of the reach of any average man. Obviously being objectively desirable financially, physically, and in social stature are big variables if not requirements. But most important of all, and most overlooked, is that you must make a woman feel emotionally and sexually like no other man could compare to you.

This means being very good in bed so that she would not even feel tempted to “date around,” and it means making her feel loved and cared for — feeling special in her own way compared to other women. It means maxing out desire (value/sexual ability), and comfort (in all aspects except sexual fidelity).

It’s important to note that this woman is not placed in a cage. Whether she decides to stay with you or not is her choice. You are not “forcing” her to do anything. Although it can be fairly argued that drawing her in and then cheating is manipulative and even emotionally abusive, ultimately the woman herself weighs the pros and cons and elects whether to stay or go.

However the point here is not to litigate the ethics of this approach. The fact is it works on many women, and it works because of how it affects their psychology — they love you, then they feel betrayed by you, then they fear they will lose you — it creates drama and a dilemma, intensifying their emotions. If they choose you, they will be even more attached and compliant than before, in many ways because they must rationalize their decision to stay.

It is valuable to understand this about women even if this is not the path you choose to take with them. The drama-desire circuit is powerful — it is a lesson as to why you never want to let your woman be bored.

But the most important takeaway here is actually how it underlines the power of a man’s frame.

The reason you can sleep with any woman you want to, and your woman will nevertheless stay with you because this is the dynamic you want to have and you will accept nothing less.

Perhaps sleeping around and causing emotional distress to a woman you claim to love is cruel, and not the line you want to cross. This is indeed my opinion; even if my wife would accept this under duress, I would not want to do this to her and crush her self-image. And I certainly would not want to breach trust and do it behind her back (although I understand the psychological advantages in doing so).

But it does make you consider to what extent we are programmed in general to not get what we want in relationships because we are concerned about a woman’s feelings.

How many men do not take on activities that would enrich their lives, see friends, or tolerate a lack affection and respect because they do not feel it would be “right” for them to make their woman uncomfortable? How many feel controlled in their own behavior?

The sad reality is most guys are too preoccupied with their woman’s needs over their own. And it is this misplaced focus that leads to stale and resentful relationships.

Yes, it IS crucial to make sure a woman’s emotional needs are taken care of if you want to have intimacy. She needs to feel loved; she needs to feel special.

But if something is important to YOU, you also cannot let yourself be guilt-tripped out of it. You must to be prepared to leave a woman if your needs are too inconvenient for her.

For some guys this may be having sexual variety outside of the relationship. For most, however, the demands are less extreme. Yet the lesson is the same:

You must always be willing to let a woman leave if she demands something you cannot give her.

This is not only fair to yourself. It’s fair to her.

Clear boundaries provide clarity to a woman if and how she should proceed with you. Does she really want this thing she said she wanted? Or does she prefer you?

Only she can decide. But she can only decide when you are firm and resolute in your own desires.

Squishy men not only don’t get what they want, they frustrate women so they don’t get what they want either.

Which begs the question:

Are you a squishy man?

If you feel controlled or emasculated in your relationship, there is a very good chance you are.

But there is good news.

If you are ready to change, I can make that change happen.

Apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat