Put out a controversial poll on Twitter the other day, and got some great answers to it:
First I’ve got to say, I’m very proud of my audience. Most guys commenting were very attuned to the fact that you CANNOT give to get sex, and that “covert contracts” are nice guy behavior. Some also pointed out that regardless of the thought-experiment, in reality men doing “women’s work” *doesn’t* lead to more sex, so it’s a bad idea. Nevertheless, a majority of those voting still said they would cook/clean/etc in theory if it meant they’d have a more fulfilling relationship.
I asked this question for a very simple reason: to ascertain to what extent the manosphere is driven by ideology or by results. Are guys willing to do something different than what is “traditionally masculine” if it would make them do better with women? Or do they insist on gender roles regardless of what their woman wants them to do?
The good news is that in practice there isn’t a large degree of compromise on this front. Role-reversal reduces polarity, and is not generally to be recommended.
But it’s also important to not be “autistic” about this topic.
As I outlined in a blog post last year: one of the biggest reasons women don’t want to have sex is that they are exhausted.
If your woman is expected to cook and clean, but also works and has kids to take care of… chances are she is going to feel overwhelmed and resentful if you aren’t doing anything to take stress off of her plate. And no, she is not going to want to fuck.
In this context her issue is NOT your desirability but her level of comfort and feeling cared for. You stepping up to reduce her stress will make her far more in the mood than refusing to help because you might be construed as beta. Indeed, this paranoia about how a woman will respond to them is a great example of how a beta actually thinks.
But as some inferred, there is another way around all of this: get outside help.
Surprisingly, this is talked about little in the manosphere. Your options are a working woman or homemaker woman. And because the former is construed as a dead-bedroom hellhole and the latter some 1950s fantasy, the choice is pretty clear: guys want to retire their wives so they can take care of the household.
Nothing wrong with doing this; it’s a great ideal to aspire towards… if she wants it. But what if the woman you’re interested in really enjoys her work? What if — being practical — her job brings in much needed income? Is your only option as a man to ignore all of this and insist she doesn’t do it anyway?
You might want to consider the alternative of just getting a maid or a nanny.
Because you get a good relationship NOT from her doing X or Y trad task, but from both of you getting your needs met.
And I guarantee you that one of her needs — especially when it comes to her feeling sexy — is to feel taken care of and NOT overwhelmed.
If she’s at saturation point and hates vacuuming, then vacuum — or pay someone else to do it.
Which is the last thing I’ll add here.
There is much ado about whether or not money is attractive to women. My contention has been that unless you are super-rich, money creates comfort more than desire; it only amplifies a woman’s attraction towards you. But comfort nevertheless matters a lot. And this is a great example of why.
Guys in the manosphere talk about wanting a feminine woman, but the reality is raw femininity diminishes with responsibility. The more burdened a woman is with obligations, the more she is forced to tap into her masculine energy to handle these real world things.
The feminine demands relaxation. It wants to luxuriate. This is why overworked modern women are obsessed with stuff like hot baths, massage, chocolate, and wine. These are varying attempts to recalibrate their energy and return to their roots.
Which means if you can PAY to take work off of your woman’s hands, she will have the energy and inclination to be WAY more sexy for you.
Indeed, I expect one of the uncontrolled variables in the infamous study about “men who did female chores got laid less” was that the women in the non-trad dynamics were more likely to be working full time, whereas the “trad girls” were more likely to be stay at home moms or at least part time. The latter was more taken care of and less stressed.
But this doesn’t just apply to working moms — even full time mothers get overwhelmed with trad chores. Getting at least some help for your homemaker will make a big impact towards getting her back in a sexy state of mind.
Just make sure you don’t take TOO much off of her plate lest she become lazy and bored. A good woman wants to feel useful… and idle hands make the devil’s work…
Anyway, points been made.
When women are demanding more help in the house, it’s NOT because the vast majority of them are feminists reactionaries. It’s because they’re tired.
Helping her won’t make her want you less, but long term what you want to do is LEAD and find a way that you can take that stress off of her, whether that’s her quitting a job, going part time, or you getting her full time help.
How you solve this doesn’t matter, what matters is that you DO solve it.
That is ALL that is relevant.
Manosphere tropes are good for breaking mainstream conditioning. But you also want to make sure the manosphere itself doesn’t brainwash YOU.
You need to understand WHY something does or does not work. Because the WHY is what lets you know it may not be applicable in certain contexts.
Or you can follow others mindlessly and wait until a whole new set of relationship problems manifests itself.
But if you’d like to avoid that fate…
You can work with me.
I will deprogram you from the bullshit and neurosis in the red pill, and help you to find the “middle path.”
So you are not LARPING as a man, pretending to be alpha while you’re still afraid of losing power.
But that you BECOME one that is FEARLESS.
If you want my help apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
