There are two primary philosophies on how to get the relationship you want with a woman.
The first is to focus on developing desire. Become a G who every girl would want to be with: a man with the looks, lifestyle, and game. And then develop an abundance when it comes to women, so that no woman is able to monopolize your attention. You only give out your attention to a woman in exchange for her compliance, which includes sex.
This model is often considered to be based on force, but this is a misunderstanding. It offers women a choice as to whether to comply. If they don’t, you simply withdraw your attention from her; if the bad behavior continues, you cut her out completely. It is pavlovian. You communicate your requirements to her, and reward her if she follows through with them, or punish her (by withdrawing attention) if she does not.
This approach is based on power. But if we are being honest, most relationships are based on these dynamics. So it works. There are only two catches with this approach.
The first is that success in this approach depends highly on your level of desirability. Beautiful women are unlikely to care if you withdraw your attention if your attention is meaningless to them. The premise here is more on value management and frame-control than anything else. You become a man of value and then you act like it — you don’t lose this belief or behavior regardless of what sex or services a woman offers you. You don’t have scarcity, because women can easily be replaced.
Which brings us to the second catch. Viewing women as replaceable on one hand is correct, and needs to be internalized, because there are infinite women out there you could be spending your time with instead of whichever girl you are currently with. But on the other hand, if you take this too far you may reduce the whole of the female sex to little more than a role in your life, blocking out intimacy with them. It demands you always keep them at arms length, because if they get too close or drop your guard you lose your power, and thus control over the dynamic.
This is the red pill taken to its ultimate conclusion; it is an accurate, yet material view on romance.
The second philosophy is to focus on developing comfort. Become a man who makes women feel understood and accepted. You see her weak points; you see who she really is and accept her anyway. You know what she needs, and you give it to her — and you forgive her when she fails to be perfect and messes up. You communicate your own needs to her and open up, and if she does not care to reciprocate, you move on to a woman who does.
This model is often conflated with being a “beta,” but this is a superficial analysis. The “beta” gives to get, and his gifts are emotionally manipulative because he is afraid of the relationship ending. Instead, this model like the other merely offers the woman a choice. The only difference is that now the woman’s choice is whether to give up power games and have a cooperative relationship, rather than surrender to the other individual’s (benevolent) power.
This approach is based on love. Love is also how most relationships are based, so it also works. But there are catches to this approach as well.
The first is that the success of it is contingent on how patient you can actually be. In theory loving someone into changing is what you want, but in practice this can be enormously painful. You are taking a massive leap of faith on someone that they will love you in return — it takes vulnerability, and the risk is that you slip into victimhood. This means you haven’t escaped the power dynamic; you are simply on the losing end of it.
And the second catch is that — even if you do manage some level of success — you may end up wasting your life dealing with a woman who is not an ideal fit. Rather than move on and be with a different woman who can give you what you want, you sink time and energy into an incompatible woman… with no guaranteed return on investment. And for what reason? Love.
This is a transcendent view on romance taken to its endpoint; it is accurate, yet through a spiritual lens.
So which path should you choose?
Part of it is going to depend on your own disposition. Some are more suited to the path of power, vs the path of love.
But I will let you in on a little secret.
You will never get the relationship you TRULY want unless you take *both* paths.
The path of power is the path of the material world. It is 3D. It is having what others do not.
The path of love is the path of the spiritual world. It is 5D. It is transcending the game of have and have not.
Many who choose power scoff at those who choose love, yet live emotionally unfulfilling lives. Life is about mastery for them — you feel good about yourself only when you do better. Which is lonely.
Many who choose love sneer at those who choose power, yet find themselves nevertheless unhappy. Life is about connection for them — caring for others and being cared for is the meaning of life. But they often lack control or boundaries, and have low self-esteem.
This battle can be described as a 3rd Chakra vs 4th Chakra battle. But the truth is it is not a battle at all. Power is empty without love, and love is impossible without power.
Because you can only take the second path and build up your woman when you have already built up yourself. This is the big error spiritual people around the world make over and over again. They lack boundaries and self-respect, and then try to give to others. Subconsciously this comes out as neediness, and weakness, and pushes away the love they seek.
They think “looks shouldn’t matter, money shouldn’t matter” — and then they are thrown back down to earth by a reality that insists they do. They slam their head against the world in vain, and come to resent others who were not so foolish.
You must accept the truth: You can’t skip steps. You develop desire not simply because it brings a greater quantity and quality of women towards you, but because the development of your own desirability builds your ego. It builds your sense of self. You push your limits and develop your power not so you become king of the world — although likely you will acquire fiefdoms in the process — but so you become master of yourself. The pursuit of power is really pursuit of personal power; the external is simply a reflection of this inner strength.
It is THIS that makes it so that you know, in your heart of hearts, that you DO deserve what you want. And it helps you to develop the boundaries on people telling you otherwise, so you will settle for nothing less.
Love is valued more after this personal power is created, because only then is it truly felt as love and not weakness. Because YOU will not feel that the giving takes from you or makes you weaker. You will have more patience, and less fear. Because you will be GIVING from STRENGTH.
This is why in the attraction process desire ideally comes before comfort. And why over time in a relationship, it is more comfort (love) you need to add to truly deepen it… and why it is always the part of you that craves power (control) in your relationship that resists this next level.
Anyway, a higher level view of attraction for you.
You may struggle more with one of these paths than the other.
But the good news is that I know how to help you navigate both.
So whether you need to grow some balls, or get in touch with your feelings…
I will give you exactly the tools you need to change…
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
