Short list of behavioral traits guys say they want with women:

  • allows man his freedom (no nagging or demands)
  • submissive; surrenders emotionally and sexually
  • Lives basically to make his life easier (cooks, cleans, etc)

All sounds pretty good, right? You get an attractive girl who does all of this, and you’ve hit the jackpot.

Which is why it’s peculiar that once guys get girls like this, they tend to get tired of them really fast.

But the reason is actually quite simple. Many women who act this way are psychologically undeveloped. They don’t have a sense of self. And perhaps most importantly, they give away these gifts easily to their man, and don’t set any standards or requirements for him. So he gradually comes to the conclusion that she is beneath him.

He begins to believe he settled. And so he starts looking for another woman with more fire in him — a woman in touch with her shadow, a woman who challenges him.

This is not necessarily to say that the man himself does not have problems. Generally these guys have self-destructive streaks, and struggle to appreciate a good thing. They may not want to marry a whore, but they are drawn to her inability to be tamed.

But there is nevertheless truth to their complaint. Guys at a certain level of introspection want a woman who can see them clearly. A woman who is not afraid or unfamiliar with her own depths, and can in turn see his.

And madonnas — women who are naturally good, yet naive — do not fit this bill. There is a certain level he connection he cannot reach with her. He may speak of her as if she is perfect, yet on a certain level he resents her ignorance and her inaccessibility.

What these guys are looking for is a good woman who he can show his darkness with. But more than that, a woman who herself has a darkness that he can relate to.

That doesn’t mean he wants her to be dark. But he wants some level of threat from her, because it is a woman’s danger that makes her an edge that he can explore.

Understand: the masculine is ALWAYS seeking an edge. A frontier to test itself on.

And a woman who does not provide this will not keep his attention long.

I know tons of guys will scoff at this, because they have been so starved of the affections of a good woman. Understandably, hungry men are looking for nourishment, not flavor.

But once their bellies are full, they will tire of the blandness and find themselves once again seeking spice.

How to break this pattern?

It’s simple. Though incredibly difficult.

You must be willing to expose that dark side of yourself to a woman without shame. And you must be willing to let all the good she gives you in ignorance potentially expire.

Your relationship is guaranteed to end if you do this. The only question is if a new one will emerge between you in the aftermath, or if you will have to seek someone else.

And if you don’t?

At some point your darkness will emerge on its own. You will cheat — at first discreetly, and then more and more brazenly. The psychic pressure will burn the whole thing down.

Or the resentment will build to such a point you will simply leave.

The purpose of this email is simple:

Twitter will make you think that what you want in a woman is simple and straightforward. But these are aspirational posts; the men making them don’t understand themselves. At best they have superficial experience with women.

So do not deceive yourself. You may hate “female drama,” but part of you is drawn to it. You want to conquer it — to test yourself against it.

Too many placid days and you will relish a storm.

And you will need help getting out: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat