One of the most intimidating aspects of meeting women for guys is the dreaded “approach.”
It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable.
And worst yet… as a stranger, the chances of rejection are fairly high.
Much of the classic “game” literature has thus encouraged guys to approach in a more indirect way. To pretend your objectives are NOT to be interested in her… and to only gradually warm up to her. To make the interaction more a series of coincidences that just “happened” to make you attracted to each other.
Others disagree with this premise. You’re the man, you need to make the move. Talk to her with direct-intent, and learn to bask in the tension.
Personally, I’m agnostic on the issue. I’ve outlined the key differences — pros and cons — in these approaches before, and the contexts where you should use each of them.
(Read: Which Way To Approach A Girl Is Best?)
But there is another variable I didn’t mention in the article.
You.
You see, there is a big problem with dating advice. And it’s an issue I faced acutely when I first got into this world, back in the “wild west” days of pick up advice 15+ years ago.
Most of the material is completely designed for a different person than you!
Take the OG of meeting women, Mystery, for instance.
Mystery was a magician before he was a PUA. Much of his “routines” with women were in fact repurposed routines he developed to show strangers magic tricks.
He learned from this that people don’t like to be bothered, even though they might actually enjoy the interaction in spite of themselves. So he developed the “false time constraint” tactic, and was heavily indirect with how he went about approaching women.
Mystery was also a performer by nature, and so his style of game reflected this — hence the reliance on routines.
And since he was a magician, he dressed accordingly — he wore top hats, strange rings, and encouraged other guys to dress like this as this “peacocking” made an impression on the ladies, and captured their interest.
But here’s the thing: it’s one thing to wear a top hat if you are a magician by trade. You might look odd, but because the outfit is congruent, you can ground the discrepancy. In the end it makes you interesting, because it’s authentic.
If you or I did this, however, we would simply look dumb and awkward. It would be difficult for a woman to understand the reason for our outfit; we would seem fake from the outset. It would capture her attention, but in the wrong way… like shitting yourself at a party.
The reality of attraction is simple:
Yes, there are certain universal concepts. Desire and Comfort are immutable, and they can’t be negotiated with.
But how you go about cultivating those energies is not set in stone. Nor is the way you approach.
Some guys are social butterflies, and do best leveraging indirect interest and social proof to loop women in. They use their ability to manage impressions to make the woman intrigued before he even makes a move.
Other guys dislike beating around the bush, and prefer to express direct interest. They rely on their capacity to ground tension, and ability to make a woman melt — to make her feel like she is dealing with a real man.
And there are a myriad of guys in between this two extremes.
Which guy are you?
The reality is, your personality and your assets are going to dictate your ideal dating strategy.
It is not one size fits all.
But unfortunately, most men are unfocused in areas they don’t understand. So you will have guys who are likely to get zero results online putting all their eggs in that basket, even as there are far more effective approaches for him.
This is amplified by the fact that most coaches / marketers really push their own style as “the only way.” So the guys who struggle with women get conflicting advice.
(I wasted tens of thousands of dollars getting caught in this loop)
The truth is this…
You need someone who understands your strengths and weaknesses and will adopt a dating strategy based entirely around *you*.
Someone with competence in *every* form of game (and elite level mastery in some), from social circle to street approaches to online (and beyond).
That can help you lean into the methods that will be most effective for you…
Saving you precious time and energy (and getting you more results with women)
Yes, I am talking about myself.
Because I know what I am talking about.
Every day you suck with women is a day without the girl of your dreams. Act decisively.
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
