Very thought-provoking tweet by YoyloPUA the other day:
A lot of guys will disagree with it. Indeed, I am not fully in agreement myself — technically speaking.
Attraction — by my definition, desire and comfort — matters. And you need to learn it.
But, you need to learn it so that you can do exactly what Yoylo is saying: lead.
Yoylo is talking like a man with experience. A lot of amateurs in pick up / dating think game is about getting women interested in you.
Beginners struggle pretty much all the time getting much traction with this. Intermediates do much better, and still have a hit or miss track record.
But advanced guys know at the end of the day, the vast majority of women you will get are NOT women you convinced with your game that you were attractive.
It is the women who were OPEN to hook up and were giving signals.
This is what Yoylo means by getting compliance — and why he essentially dismisses the fixation a lot of guys have with building attraction. Because he understands on a deeper level… women are either down, or they are not. Your primary objective is to find this out. The rest is details.
The difference between this approach to picking up women and the “average” one is two-fold.
First, you are automatically going to screen out women who aren’t giving stronger signs from the outset. Your goal is to approach the most “down” women you can find (who are still attractive to you).
Second, you are going to be more aggressive and direct from the outset. This doesn’t mean there isn’t any pacing. But you will try to get the “no” early on, so that women who aren’t open to your intentions and leadership won’t bog you down. After you get this initial compliance, you will move more into the standard “attraction” formula.
But your likelihood of closing at this point is already much higher, and your sunk costs lower.
Obviously, all of this seems geared towards “hook ups,” which may not appeal to all of you.
But the reality is this sort of compliance-testing and emphasis on leadership vs attraction-building can work regardless of your objectives; in other words, if you are looking for something serious.
The only thing I would caution is that you don’t want to allow your screening to get too heavy. Heaviness kills desire.
With sex you don’t have this problem, because sexual escalation is always exciting. But focusing on values can bog the energy down, and at its worst make the interaction feel like an obligation.
So if you screen a girl early for your values, you will essentially tell her what you are looking for, or how you are going to behave dating her… and then once you get an acknowledgement / acceptance from her… you will immediately go back to lightness and having fun.
Accordingly, I’ve told clients who for religious reasons won’t have sex before marriage to take an approach like this: “BTW, you should know that I’m a devout X and am not going to have sex before marriage. I know this is going to be very frustrating for you. But you will just have to be patient and keep your hands to yourself”
Some women of course won’t accept this, and this is good: you want to push those women away. But for the others, it qualifies them while also keeping the energy of the interaction light and attractive, even as the subject material is not.
Anyway, enough for today.
If you need help with women, stop wasting your precious time and apply to work with me: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
