Spicy topic today. But wanted to take on something the manosphere has long harped on: that older women are just “not worth the trouble” to be in a relationship with.
(Note: I’m not talking about relative age, but absolute — aka 30+)
Their rationale has a couple of angles. But the fundamental argument is that said women have more demands even as they offer less.
Admittedly, this does seem to be apparent in a lot of dating. Younger women don’t care so much about your job and don’t have a lot of requirements for how you need to treat them. Literally just be fun and hot, and they will hang out with you and hook up.
Older women are not quite so flippant. They expect you to have your life together, and they expect to be treated better.
You might say this is simple maturity — and indeed, sometimes that is the case. These healthy women live out their requirements: if you treat them badly or come across poorly, they calmly move on. No issue here whatsoever.
But usually when you see these demands in action, they are loud, and have a flavor of compensatory entitlement. In fact, they are a reflection of poor introspection and immaturity.
Whenever you see on a dating profile, “I’m tired of dating assholes who don’t have their shit together,” what she is actually saying is:
“I have poor judgment and damaged pair bonding and am attracted to assholes, which means every relationship ends with me getting burned. Consequently I need comfort and stability to feel better, and I need that man to have it all so I can prove to myself I really do deserve the best. Even though in practice I know I don’t, and still won’t appreciate any of it.”
Case in point, rarely do these women mention what they will offer in return. Because they offer nothing but bad attitude and drama.
This dichotomy in behavior compared to younger women is amplified in the backdrop of disparate looks. Even if said “older woman” in her 30s is attractive, how much longer is her “shelf life?” The younger woman has less baggage, and more “pretty years.” She doesn’t have a problem being feminine for you. And, she doesn’t ask much of you in return. Is there even a contest?
The answer is… it depends. On the woman, of course.
The older woman caricatured above is indeed not worth it. She has accumulated baggage from years of unsuccessful dating, and has not taken stock of her own role in her poor outcomes. This lack of introspection and ownership creates a projection of increasing demands on the man to compensate for them. Indeed, these women do not even know what they really want — it’s a trope, but when a woman says “she just wants a man to treat her like a queen,” you can bet your house the guys she lust for are ones who degrade her.
But younger women have their own set of problems. Their lack of demands belies a separate problem little acknowledged: a lack of identity.
This creates issues from the outset if you are looking for a deep personality connection in relationship. But more importantly, if you were to get serious with such a girl, you must understand she *will* change substantially over the years. While you can guide this development in a healthy way, sometimes the emergence of identity in her mid-late 20s leads to her questioning everything in her life — including you.
So if you chose the younger girl because she seemed “easier,” you will come to understand this “low expectations” phase doesn’t last. Weak leadership during this transition — which includes controlling behavior — will be punished ruthlessly during this time.
However, the big point I want to make here is not about the potential perils of younger women, but of a benefit to acknowledge with many older ones.
Because the reality about older women is… as the clock ticks, they either double down on stupid, or they finally start to “get it.”
In other words, many women in their 30s and even 40s undergo a “humbling” as their looks lose their cache of youth. And so they set out to become more feminine, and to really embrace the idea of surrendering to man.
Many younger women, of course, have the same ideas. But the benefit of these older ones is it is not a decision made out of some counter-reactionary fantasy. They have lived out the “strong woman” trope and know its barren fruit. When they choose to embrace their femininity, it is not a capricious decision, but a deliberate one from the core of their being. And so it has more staying power.
Anyway, the TL;DR is that younger women might appear to be blank slates, but how they will change is never certain. And that older women either age like milk or like honey in their demeanor.
Most important for you is that you take each woman as she is. And choose wisely.
If you want to make sure you cover all your bases, apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application
I have saved countless men heartbreak by telling them who their woman really is. Either giving them a go ahead, or warning them about some serious red flags they missed…
Pay for due diligence now. Or pay for it later.
– Pat
