A few years back guys doing cold approaches began to have a bit of a curveball.
You’d approach a girl, strike up a conversation with her. Things would be going well. Naturally, you ask for her number.
But then she demurs… “uhh I don’t give out my number, do you have instagram instead?”
When I heard of this starting to occur back in 2019, I considered it a red flag for a girl. It was a sign of immaturity that she couldn’t handle giving out her number to a guy. And a likely indication that she was just attention farming, and was going to use you to pad her IG.
Moreover, it made the likelihood of a dead lead far greater. Rather than be with her contacts, you’d be in her DMs. You’d have competition with all her other social media orbiters… chances were, she might never even open your messages.
All of these problems remain 3+ years later. But being the smart, wise, and humble dating coach that I am, I have seen the writing on the wall. And revised my tactics accordingly.
First off, what was once a rare phenomenon is now extremely common. Perhaps as many as half the girls you approach are going to prefer giving out their IG over their number.
But the truth is, getting a girl’s IG is not necessarily bad. And in some cases even preferable.
No question, if a girl is hooked on you… you want to get her digits in your phone. Don’t pussy-foot around it. Move things forward as I outline in detail in Tackling Texting, and get her out on a date.
But a lot of times — most times, even — in a cold approach, the girl is not going to feel comfortable or interested enough to go on a date with you even if you do manage to get her number.
Sure, she might feel a certain way in the moment, and feel OK giving out her number to a stranger. Or she might have done it just because you put her on the spot; she’s a feminine girl who won’t say no, even though she had no intention of seeing you. She ghosts.
Which is where the value of IG comes in. It allows a longer “sales cycle” where your personality and value can be demonstrated more naturally. You drop amusing comments on her stories, you chit-chat here or there. Over time, her familiarity and intrigue over you grows. She begins initiating on your pictures and stories. You know it’s game on, and then you ask her out. What started as a tepid lead, becomes an easy close. It just took a few more weeks / months to accomplish.
The only catch?
You need to have a solid and active IG yourself. Otherwise you are not going to use your preselection to “pull her into your orbit” and make her more interested in you.
Which is one of the major reasons I recommend guys get a social media profile up and running.
Getting numbers is great. But the reality is social media allows you to expand your network rapidly, by keeping weaker leads and acquaintances in your life.
Indeed, it has value not only in converting these un-closed cold approaches, but makes it easy to maintain “friendzoned” girls. And of course, presents many opportunities to meet women online you would never meet in real life… who are attractive, yet share your values and beliefs.
It is both a force multiplier, and a lead-generator.
Which is why back in the day, it was a key element of my social circle game strategy.
The bad news?
Most people do social media completely wrong. The don’t come across as attractive, and often make themselves even look worse.
The good news?
I know exactly what works and what doesn’t. And am very very good at making your social media a major asset for your dating life.
If you want my help, apply here: www.patstedman.com/application