Another year, another Hallmark Holiday.
A lot of people get upset about this stuff. Kinda like with diamond rings. “Did you know X was created by advertising agencies to sell Y? Why are you participating in it?”
Simple, really. It’s an excuse to celebrate love. Whatever its origins, over time Valentine’s Day has taken on its own meaning — kinda like how Christmas was initially the pagan holiday of Saturnalia. Now it is about something completely different.
I am not saying to pretend these origins don’t exist.
(Indeed, on an occult level there are reasons these dates were chosen, and they are not always benign; however, we won’t get into this).
But if you are conscious about celebrating, you can use the day for your own purposes, and honor the intention in your own way.
The key here is not to make Valentine’s Day into some sort of serious exception to the rule. There are a lot of guys who ignore their woman’s needs most of the year, and try to make it up to them with an expensive gift or a dinner on this date — and hope for sex in return. They have expectations. And so does the woman, as a result of her neglect. She needs the night and the gift to be perfect, or else her suspicions are confirmed: he doesn’t really care about her.
Rarely does this approach to Valentine’s Day turn out well. The couple will almost certainly fight, as their resentment and unmet needs from the year hit a culmination point. You can see this in nearly half the couples out to dinner this weekend. If sex happens, it’s a checked box. But usually the mood isn’t right, and despite all the expensive lingerie purchased it doesn’t happen.
This is the “average” person’s relationship, and it is not pretty. The slow simmer of stagnation with an eruption on the dates that underline it.
So how do you avoid this? Indeed, what is the point of this email?
To remember that the reason women put so much pressure on Valentine’s Day is because they don’t feel anything from you. Read that again. They do not feel anything from you.
It’s not that they don’t “love” you — yet. It’s that there is no romantic energy or excitement in the relationship anymore. And so a single day is forced to make up for that — something that is almost impossible for it to do.
The solution is simple.
Stop taking your women for granted. There are a ton of guys in the manosphere who like to act as if they are so alpha that they just go off and do whatever and it makes their woman want them more, because she chases their attention. How long have these guys been with said woman — 3, 6 months? This stuff just doesn’t work in long-term relationships and will 100% lead to infidelity or break up after enough years.
The reason women are interesting in guys who are positive and have fun is because they want some of that energy for themselves. But if you do not include your woman in a meaningful way, she will eventually start to find life with you to be hell.
Please understand: there is NOTHING women hate more than to be bored. And the unfortunate thing is most of you ARE boring, even if you don’t realize it. Even if you are content with your work and routine, she is not. Please consider how much this makes her tired of being with you. You cannot make this up with some special actions on one day. It needs to be a way of life.
And it doesn’t have to be glamorous either. I am not saying go fly to Ibiza for the weekend, watch Pitbull live, and stay in a 5 star resort. (Although she will probably like that.) Even just day trips or games or new activities — things for the two of you or the family — re-ignite the relationship. And add color to her life.
Which makes her appreciate her life with you. And do little things like this:
Anyway, you get the idea.
If you want help re-igniting such passions in your relationship…
Apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
