Last night I had a bit of fun rattling the hornet’s nest with these tweets:
Apparently, much of the trad community REALLY doesn’t like it when you infer that a virgin in her mid-20s who can’t find a man might have some problems.
Because if a girl is a virgin that automatically means she’s a catch. Right?
I have little tolerance for people who struggle to see the world outside of black and white. And I have *especially* little tolerance for people who are so stupid they would take hoe-listic honey — a girl who has been ran through more than a racetrack — seriously when she talks about anything related to “quality women” and the merits of midlife virginity.
Many of you need to up your discernment. There are tons of reformed sluts and LARPERs online whose commentary lines up perfectly with your ideology because they know like a little piggy you lap it all up. They know you are emotionally weak and crave a pretty woman to conform to your fantasy. You miss that they are not serious about any of this and only say this stuff because it gets them attention.
Your lack of critical thinking not only makes you look like a naive fool to those of us who actually interact with women, but it makes the chances extremely high you will end up with a girl who “found christ” and talks a good game, but still finds time on the side to get railed out by strangers.
If I sound harsh, it’s because I would rather push away ten of you who lack eyes to see and ears to hear if it makes an impression on just one and saves him from this hive-mind ignorance. Be very wary of attention-whores who come out of nowhere and tell you what you want to hear. Platitudes are sweet and cheap, truth is bitter and expensive.
So with that said, let’s talk about virgins.
Make no mistake, in general a girl being a virgin is a good sign. Usually it indicates self-restraint, and an awareness of the preciousness of her body and sexuality. Moreover we all know the data on virgins: they are the most likely of all women to not end up in a divorce.
But like all things, there is a context to this data. Sexual restraint may be a virtue… if you fall for a guy, want to sleep with him, but hold back until marriage (or close to it) so that you don’t cheapen the act.
Yet what if no guy ever “measures up?” What if you don’t really date as a result? Is that restraint, or avoidance? And what are the implications of that?
People need to understand that when I say it’s a red flag for a girl to be a 24 year old virgin, I am not saying that the girl should go fuck a stranger to sort herself out. They are missing the point. Which is not about virginity, but that there is a strong correlation between “old virgins” and intimacy issues.
When I see a girl who claims to be trad but put her masters degree before meeting a man, I see a contradiction in values. Which means I have questions.
This doesn’t mean what she did was “wrong.” I don’t care that she got the masters degree. If we’re being honest I don’t even care about her being a virgin — maybe she threw herself into academics and put off dating out of anxiety, and is only now ready to deal with it. This is the nature of growth and it’s fine; we are not always ready to change when we “should.”
But when you see a girl with the above act like these choices raise her value and that men are the problem, there is really no question what is going on. This is a classic emotionally avoidant girl who won’t look in the mirror. Her virginity isn’t holy — it’s holier-than-thou. It’s pride. Which is a defense mechanism. “No man is good enough for me” is simply the cover for “I’m afraid of getting close to someone because I might lose control and get hurt.”
If you are hyper-focused on a girl’s *alleged* virginity (that is a whole other topic) you will miss all of these tells. You will accept the sob stories of all these “perfect” women who were unfairly victimized / unappreciated by men. You will eventually try to save them and get cucked in the process.
And guess what? You will deserve it.
When I work with men I deal completely with context. I have told men married for decades to get divorced. I’ve told others to continue dating but hold off on committing seriously. And I’ve challenged others to get married to women they’ve only started dating weeks prior.
Different advice for different men in different circumstances. No imposition of wishful thinking on reality. No coddling, no bullshit. Only honest analysis and perspective.
Which is why my clients get results.
So if you want to be a fool and live in a fantasy land, go ahead.
But if you want to deal with reality and learn to read women… so you can pick the right one, and go on to have the kind of relationship you want…
You should apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
