Had a conversation with a client the other day that reminded me there’s a topic I haven’t much addressed.
We’ve talked before about the romance process, and how it’s the man who pursues the woman. And how it’s a woman’s prerogative to put breaks on that process — to create obstacles, to say “not yet.” To basically make him “work for it” — in a way is actually rewarding for both parties.
(Don’t deceive yourselves lads. You know any girl that comes easily to you is not one you tend to value highly. Admit you enjoy some level of resistance — it amplifies the tension, and makes you more invested.)
But aside from tension cultivation, what is the real reason for these barriers? And what ultimately propels a man through them?
Some might claim it is Game. You study the various defenses women put up, and practice breaching them. In time you learn not simply how to get a woman to surrender her jewels, but you gain the confidence of a master in your ability to get them. Which is half the battle.
But we would be deceiving ourselves to say all women are “conquered” in the same way. Or that we have the same motivation to conquer them all.
So where does these impulses come from? And how do they vary?
At the lowest resolution, our urge to take a girl comes from ego.
Perhaps it’s a matter of getting a girl who looks good. Possibly its practice — getting her is an indication of our own “skills.” Maybe it’s simply the lads egging you on.
But what defines this level of motivation is that our interest in the girl is actually not about the girl herself.
Rather, it’s what the girl has or represents. She is the trophy that “we made it.”
This is a weak level of motivation, and comes primarily from the mind. There is calculation and agenda involved. It is superficial, and very often the girl feels it. Your ability to get her is highly correlated with her own superficial interest in you.
The next level of resolution comes from sexual instinct.
This is something many guys struggle to tap into today, due to things like porn. But it’s very powerful, and one of the big things that separates your average guy from the “natural” with women.
What defines this level of motivation is desire for the woman — you love her smell, you crave her body, you want to take her. Simply put this is the biological urge to fuck a woman.
There is some level of superficiality to this, as it’s still not so much about the woman herself. This is a carnal, physical instinct. And yet, it is about the woman. Maybe only her sex, but still part of her.
When properly tapped into, a woman will feel this energy coming from you. And she will indicate with her own energy whether or not she is willing to reciprocate.
Which brings us to the highest resolution: soul connection.
As you might expect, the most powerful motivation for a man to pursue woman is the least common. And unlike the others, it can’t really be faked.
This is a heart connection. A natural sense of fate. You just know that you and this woman are supposed to be together. There is a certainty to it.
In these dynamics, a woman might put up resistance, but the man doesn’t care. He brushes it aside like it’s meaningless, and approaches her with a confidence that even he is shocked by.
He feels a connection with this girl from his “higher self.” His intuition feels strongly about her, and it pumps him full of natural certainty.
Women fall hard for these men. Indeed, it’s a hidden reason women create obstacles: to screen out men who don’t possess this ethereal desire for them.
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Of course, a man might and frankly should have all of these motivations overlapping. They come from various levels of a person’s consciousness.
There is nothing wrong with simultaneously being certain you and a woman are meant to be together, while also lusting after her, and having awareness that such a woman would be a social prize.
But what is valuable here is to understand that the fewer “higher” motivations you have for a woman, the more difficult and less rewarding it will be to “game” her. Because you are trying to FORCE a connection with the girl, rather than allowing what is naturally there to bring the two of your together.
Which is why I don’t necessarily mesh with others in the dating community. Because many of these guys are all about stats, and view dating as a numbers game.
Of course, some of that is true. You need leads. And, it is helpful for guys especially in the early stages to go through a period of “forcing” it just so they can feel tension and gain experience.
But if your dating life subsists on data analytics… you’re emphasizing the lower motivations, not the higher ones.
Which means the connection with you women you meet will reflect that.
Anyway, point is simple.
If your goal is stats, you should probably look elsewhere.
But if you’re looking for deep connection with a woman… to capture not simply her body and mind, but her heart…
Apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
