Yesterday we talked about what kind of girls typically fall into the Bangzone — the female version of the Friendzone, where a girl hooks up with a guy she likes regularly but can’t get his commitment.
As you might imagine, this is a difficult situation for a girl. Like a guy in the corresponding Friendzone, she doesn’t have a lot of options to break out.
Typically the first approach these girls take is patience. They have sex with said guy regularly, and engage him regularly — showing they want him. They go above and beyond to do nice things for him. They hope it’ll be enough for him to “realize” what a great girlfriend she’d be.
This usually lasts for around 3 months, until their anxiety and frustration around their situation becomes hard to keep down. This is when you see the usual drama that accompanies girls who are getting low comfort from you.
She realizes, correctly, that the carrot isn’t sweet enough for you to buy. So she switches to a “stick” approach to get you to consider what it would be like if you lost her.
This typically involves, in this order:
- Jealousy. She will talk about other guys who are interested in her. She might even reference she’s still dating — although she’s “not interested in any of the guys.”
This doesn’t tend to work, as men don’t respond well when a woman says she’s available to other men. This usually leads to the guy pulling back further, and the girl anxiously apologizing. Or the guy smiling and nodding and making fun of the other guys — while mentally divesting more.
- Withholding Sex. This is a desperate bluff, but not uncommon towards the end. After sleeping with you for months she’ll tell you she’s not going to have sex unless she’s in a relationship.
This also doesn’t work, because the main reason the guy was seeing her was for sex. If she takes that away, the girl really loses her relevance in his life. This usually leads to the guy ending things all together.
- Guilt. This is the last thing the girl does to keep a guy in the loop. He’s out the door, and she knows she has no ability to entice him into staying. So she starts to make him feel guilty for leaving.
“I’m sorry about everything else I did, I’ve just had a lot going on. Feel like I’m going to get fired, my cat is sick, you’re so important to me please don’t go.”
Unlike the other two approaches, this one works better… at least for a time. Most guys will continue to see her because “they don’t want to hurt her.” Especially since the girl at this point will go back to her initial strategy of “love bombing” — sleeping with him, being sweet etc.
The issue of course is that she knows he’s only with her out of obligation, so there is a sadness and heaviness to these dynamics. The guy may stay for a few weeks or even a month but it’s only a matter of time before he pulls the plug. She will do everything she can to massage his ego that “she needs him” so that he stays.
In the end all of these approaches are terrible for the girl, and don’t improve her situation. Because she is negotiating from a position — and you can’t play hard ball when you do this.
The only thing a girl trapped in the Bangzone can do is simple (I’m addressing the ladies directly now):
Make the sex as incredible as possible when you hook up. Be sweet and kind when you are with him — make him feel like he’s a King.
And then, if after a month or so nothing changes on his end… abruptly stop messaging him. And when he asks you out, be unavailable but offer another time.
This tells the guy you’re still interested, but he’s less of a priority than he was.
And then the next time you hang out, give him even MORE of a great experience. Check all the boxes… emotional, sexual, intellectual… really build him up and express how much he means to you.
But then, after the date, be even more unavailable. Respond less and less, turn down invitations cause you have other plans.
Understand what you are doing here is sending mixed messages. But in the right way.
Normally when people send mixed messages they will overtly say things like they’re “not interested” or they “have boundaries” etc etc. But then… they are with you. So they subcommunicate they’re not really serious about doing anything and that they’re extremely invested.
This is for instance what happens when the theoretical bangzone girl above talks about other guys who are interested in her. She is talking about these other guys like they matter to her, but here she is with you. It is mixed messages, but it comes across as weak and a bluff.
But when the behavior is reversed it actually has the desired effect. The guy feels you are very into him and every moment spent you are literally the dream girl. But you diminish his access to that experience. Which makes him come to value it more, and even crave it.
I know this is difficult to execute of course, as any new investment from the guy you like is likely to give you a high like cocaine. You start engaging again, and you fall right back where you were before – with less leverage to escape. But, it’s really the only way out.
If you do this there is a very high likelihood the guy — if cared about you at all, and if you ever had a chance — is going to start investing more in you. And when that investment hits the appropriate threshold? You drop the bomb: while you like him, you tell him the lack of commitment isn’t working for you anymore, and things are effectively over.
This should mess with his head accordingly. Will he change his mind? If you hold to your boundaries, he might. But either way, you’ve exited with maximum self-respect. It’s not uncommon in these cases even if he says he can’t go ahead with the relationship, that months down the line the fantasy festers and he returns.
Now you might ask… why am I giving the ladies advice here?
Because everything I tell them to do, you gentlemen should also watch out for.
You only learn to play appropriate defense when you understand your “opponents” offense.
And if you want to understand even more about these female “opponents” operate?
Buy my masterclass.
There will be a BIG update coming in the next few months. And you can expect the price to rise to nearly $1000 accordingly.
But if you get in now, all those updates come for free.
Purchase it here: https://masterclass.patstedman.com/sales-page
– Pat
