The great Nash linked this old story of his on Twitter the other day, where he talks about a date with a girl who was well out of his comfort zone:
The girl’s energy reminded me of a story I read a few years back, which I would struggle to find now, about a genuine escort detailing her experience on the job. She had left the industry — she was afraid of becoming one of the girls who lingered in it too long — but found it difficult to go back to “regular work” and “regular dating.”
What’s “first date drinks” with a normal guy after you’ve been paid thousands of dollars a night to be taken to the nicest restaurants in NYC? And to be showered with gifts on top of that? All in exchange for giving a guy some good sex — which you often happen to enjoy — and making him feel like a man, which you excel at?
If we’re honest, it’s a reasonable question — and we’re going to explore it, and how women get to this point.
So let’s talk about these escorts and their unique mystique. And what exactly it is that makes these women different from other girls.
But first some housekeeping. Don’t take this direct talk as an endorsement of such girls. No matter how much you get paid for selling sex, nor how good you are at it, this sort of transactional lifestyle breaks a core part of you. You can see this with Nash’s girl, and you could see it in the escort in that article. These women may be powerful… but they are not happy.
The point here is simply to outline something these women understand about men that most don’t. And why they can compel men leave their wives and destroy their lives to try to be with them… even though the men know at the end of the day they are not the only ones.
What these women understand is how to meet these men at the level of their sexual shame.
Most married men cheat on their wives not out of novelty, but because they can’t share this part of themselves with their woman. “Good girls” simply don’t accept or understand it.
These women have a fatal flaw, and it’s that most of them are only “good” because on a certain level they are afraid of sex. And for a woman to be afraid of sex, is for a woman to be afraid of her own power.
Like many a man rejects his capacity for violence, these women shame and suppress the endless well of their sexual authority. It is a submerged part of themselves that only emerges when activated by fantasy, or when compelled by unconscious necessity.
For instance, you may notice “good girls” can become quite seductive when they want to lock down a man, or when they are ready to conceive a child. But when this life-or-death need passes, they lay down their sword. Many men take this restraint personally. But the truth is they don’t want to be murderers, and their sex is a weapon that scares them.
Whores in contrast are mercenaries. Sexual soldiers for hire who do their job and do it well. They understand their power and use it freely, for a price. And the best know that when it comes to men, the act of sex itself is just the tip.
Escorts are the “cream of the crop” among whores and can charge upwards of thousands of dollars per night not simply because they’re attractive and they know what to do in bed. What they create for a man is a place of intimacy where for once in his life with women, he can be himself.
A “good girl” in contrast judges herself sexually, and so very often in that arena will judge you. The most repressed will call you a “pig” or a “sex addict.” Others will simply act bashful and shut down, and only allow the ritual to be flavored vanilla.
Girls who have come to terms with their dark sexual energy, however, will rarely judge you in that department. You can “be yourself” sexually and they will not simply allow it, they will congratulate you on it. Repressed, archetypal energies within a man are allowed to be expressed. And as the whore accepts them, he comes to love her.
The problem, of course?
These mercenaries don’t believe in your cause. Your release of shame is a transaction, carefully accounted for in the cost.
Many of these women begin as garden variety succubi. They want a man’s attention, and learn at an early age men want the whore and the housewife. So they take care not only of his sexual, but emotional needs — in order than he might meet hers.
Only once the man finally surrenders his heart to her, does she spring the trap and pull back. She got her payment — his soul. It’s her cue to leave for the next victim.
But some women, like the one Nash encountered, realize they’re selling something very valuable. What else might they get for freeing a man from his shame?
As the Joker says in The Dark Knight — “If you’re good at something, never do it for free.”
Sure, such transitions from “girl next door” to “whore next door” are often influenced by necessity. Why work retail and struggle when you can work men and thrive?
But such decisions also come naturally with time. As these women claim more men they gradually find it harder to genuinely connect with them — in large part because they come to know too much how men work. We are easy marks. And when the validation is easy, and the money good, it’s hard to say no.
Like in all industries, it’s the intelligent women who rise to the top. They practice subtlety and have the acumen to engage the highest paying clients on an intellectual level — which of course for men is emotionally validating.
Anyway, why point out all of this?
Because you can’t transcend the whore unless you understand why she has so much power to begin with.
Whores — and their un-paid analogs, the succubi — prey fundamentally off of your sexual shame.
While confident men might visit them for a break here and there, it’s men who feel insecure about their manhood that end up getting addicted to these women.
Good girls — madonnas — hate whores, not simply because whores “devalue the sexual market.” This has been mentioned before, and while it’s true, it’s misleading, because it applies too much of a supply and demand filter to the situation.
What good girls hate about whores is that whores aren’t afraid of their own sexuality. “Slut shaming” is a perennial weapon in girl-on-girl conflict, but what’s missed is the shame flows both directions. Good girls are threatened by whores, not only because whores might steal their men, but because whores hold a mirror to the madonna. In one, the other sees its shadow.
The solution to all of this?
To force these “good girls” to come to terms with their own shame.
To integrate. So that they can wield their innate sexual power in service of love, rather than repress it out of fear.
Doing this isn’t easy. There is a reason many men give up, and either bury their own shame — or compartmentalize it in clandestine affairs or porn.
But there are men who know how to make you change… and how to guide your woman to do the same.
Yes, I’m talking about myself.
Apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
