Been meaning to address something happening recently in the manosphere that may irk some of my female subscribers.
But, it’s happening enough — and in some cases being so severe — that it’s worth warning you gents.
Please take “e-girl” commentary on attraction with caution.
Ever since our corner began to really break into the mainstream, there’s been a lot of female “hanger ons.” I don’t consider this a bad thing — many are very intelligent and add to the discourse.
Especially as this sort of “infiltration” was inevitable. It is a sign the community has “arrived” — women go where the energy is, and the energy is with the men in the manosphere.
But the flip side is that when women enter the discourse, sexual dynamics also distort the dialogue. Guys are more likely to “like” their posts regardless of the content quality (there are many funny examples of stolen content women have posted going 3-5x the original guy).
Which leads to a problem either sex can have when their account is large enough: anything put out gets engagement, so there is an increasing tendency to basically put out stupid shit.
There are two major areas where I see this happening.
The first is in the role of men vis-a-vis women.
Heaven help any man who takes this to heart. This advice goes against both common sense and basic personal responsibility. A man has zero incentive or obligation to literally “save a ho” — indeed the red pill began by pointing out the terminal dangers of this exact approach.
Yes, we should strive to see the humanity in women who have made mistakes — and there are shades of grey to consider when it comes to accepting or rejecting a woman’s past. But it is not a man’s job to clean up the self-destructive tendencies of a woman. Everything a man or woman does is THEIR responsibility and their burden to carry.
Maybe a promiscuous past is a death-sentence for a woman’s future. Maybe it is not. But it is her’s alone to own.
I will contend that a woman who has truly processed her mistakes and takes full responsibility for them has a solid chance of getting a guy — because she will have the wisdom that comes from exploring her shadow. The problem of course is most women in this category have not done this — and struggle to “see the big deal” or be fully honest about their behavior. This is the main issue with “reformed sluts” but I digress.
My recommendation to the women reading this is — if you post — to focus more on what women can do personally to heal and to attract the men they want, rather than lecture the men on their role.
This is especially true of the older, wiser women. Self-destructive female behavior is an enormous problem today because women will not police their own. Social shaming works, please do more of it.
Which brings us to the second area of bad advice: what men should do to attract a woman.
This one is less of an issue, as it’s helpful to hear perspective from the opposite sex. However guys need to also be prepared to take it with a grain of salt.
(Note: this doesn’t apply to professionals like Taylor Burrowes who know what they are doing)
Namely because women usually don’t know why they’re initially attracted to a man. So when they give “attraction advice” they are not telling you how to create it, they are telling you how they want men they are already attracted to behave.
Note this isn’t bad for a guy in a relationship necessarily (this is context dependent — how much desire vs comfort exists in it), but it is terrible advice for a guy who hasn’t yet created desire. Romance is comfort — it amplifies the desire present, but it doesn’t manifest it.
Women struggle giving this advice because they’d prefer to mention things that reflect themselves in a good light. They are not going to acknowledge “I’m attracted to a guy who makes fun of my ass” — just like a guy will not tell his girlfriend to act hot and cold and a little crazy because that’s what attracts him.
Which is incidentally why you might want to consider coaching.
Because you are almost certainly lying to yourself about your motivations when it comes to women. Which stops you from getting the relationships you want.
You will need someone who can cut through all the crap and rewire your brain.
Which is exactly what working with me is all about.
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application