Short email for you today. But wanted to address a not-uncommon, but often confusing situation guys get in.
You have a girl who is very interested in you. Aggressively so even — she asks you out, initiates the exchange. And so you guys go out. Game on, right? You’re gonna close no problem.
Except on the date all of a sudden she doesn’t seem so interested in flirting. You try to create tension, but she’s talking about her life and problems. Maybe even complaining about an ex.
You begin to think somehow or another you whiffed it. She’s acting very platonically… talking to you like you’re a friend.
So you cut your losses and make a note to leave. This girl isn’t interested in getting physical, and you wasted your time.
Or did you?
One of the things I always tell my clients is to pay attention to context.
Had this been a girl you picked up on the apps, or that you’d pursued in your social circle… it might be correct to think you’ve been “friendzoned.” Desire wasn’t created; making a move at that point would not be positively received.
But when the girl picked you up? When she pursued you?
You need to interpret her behavior differently.
Because she’s probably engaging with you like this for completely different reasons.
Understand: when a woman extends herself emotionally to “make the move,” this doesn’t feel good. She knows on a certain level she wasn’t desirable enough for you to pursue her on your own.
This means on the date, she’ll feel anxious, and need comfort. And so allowing bullshit conversation and sympathizing might be exactly what she needs.
Most guys understandably mess this up because they’ve learned this behavior normally destroys a first date. You need to hammer a woman with “desire” up front, and only after that’s been established move to comfort.
What’s missed here is that when she pursued you, that initial desire was already established. The date is about making her feel OK about sleeping with you, not about convincing her to want to.
Indeed, such a situation happened with my client the other week. The date sucked and she just rambled about all sorts of boring stuff in her life. Complained mostly. Nevertheless when he said “let’s get out of here” she was 100% down.
Now, does this mean you want to fully throw desire out the window on such dates? Not at all, of course — but it does mean you are better served waiting on any sexual innuendo until the girl feels more comfortable. Many girls actually will bail before the date if you don’t do this, as reminding them how interested they are makes them feel desperate and cheap.
So remember to keep you eye on the ball. If you wanted to meet you, she’s attracted to you.
Act like it.
And if you want help learning to act like it?
Apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
