A surprisingly somewhat normal story emerged on reddit worth commenting on (scroll past for summary):
Basically, this girl’s ex shows up at her place the night of his bachelor party. And in his drunken state, he professed his feelings for her and regret things didn’t work out between them.
Her question for the internet: should she tell his fiancee?
Fortunately, despite all the busybodies on reddit, she came to the CORRECT conclusion: No.
And made a very level-headed compromise to simply inform his sister that he arrived at her house, and to make sure he was OK.
But why was this the right action? Why would it have been foolish to get more involved?
Many might consider this immoral — you need to tell the significant other, she doesn’t know what she’s getting into.
Or does she?
I’m going to say something that might bother a lot of people.
But his fiancee already knows he is not fully into her, and probably has feelings for his ex. She wants to get married because it gives her a “superior position” on paper vis-a-vis said ex, and hopes it will lock him down more. Indeed, she probably wants the marriage more than him — she pressured him into it — and will hate this girl for ruining it for her.
One thing you need to internalize with people is that they don’t always operate from the same level of consciousness or have the same amount of self-esteem as you. A lot of people are in dysfunctional, co-dependent dynamics because that is all they are capable at the moment of achieving.
In other words:
They WANT to be with someone who doesn’t treat them well.
Or at least, that’s all they feel unconsciously that they deserve. And so they seek it out.
I guarantee you that the relationship above was based on guilt. The guy wasn’t expressing his needs, and the girl was acting “perfect” in order to keep him from voicing them. She was afraid of him leaving her, and he was afraid of being alone. Yes, they were both settling — but deep down this was agreed upon by both of them.
And so had this girl told his ex’s fiancee, there is a very good chance that the wedding would have gone ahead anyway. The fiancee would have cried, he would have apologized profusely — promised her everything she wanted, trashed his ex— and given her the ego massage she needed to “forgive” him.
Sure, after the wedding — after she got her “prize” — she would have made his life a living hell. But in the meantime everyone would have hated the one telling the truth for causing drama and humiliation. She wouldn’t be labeled a savior — she’d be considered a homewrecker.
Now, is any of the above guaranteed?
No.
Maybe she’d be grateful and cancel the wedding, leaving with self-respect. It’s certainly possible.
But this happens a lot less often than you’d think. The thing about cheating — and remember, no cheating even occurred in this case — is that while being cheated on sucks, it’s the humiliation of it that is often worse. This is why even in marriages where the wife tacitly allows her husband to cheat, there is an understanding that he will be discreet about it.
She doesn’t care as much about him getting his rocks off, as she cares about maintaining her image to her peers.
Anyway, the TL;DR is mind your own business.
Don’t get involved with other people’s drama. Because drama is usually found among dramatic people.
You will very likely get pulled into something you don’t want to be in, and you won’t make a positive impact on the couple.
And if you want to learn to avoid dramatic people?
Buy my masterclass.
Module 2 goes deep into female psychology and red flags for 3 hours. So you’ll know comprehensively which women are keepers… and which should be avoided at all costs.
It’s available here: https://masterclass.patstedman.com/sales-page
– Pat
PS Check out this latest YouTube video: Boundaries, Abusive Relationships, Pickup Routines – Dating & Relationships #34
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