Short email for you today. But wanted to give a coda to a series I began back in February.
Part 1: Should You Steal Another Man’s Girl?
Part 2: *How* To Steal Another Man’s Girl
If you were wondering what happened, well…
My client got the girl.
And now they are married and expecting the first addition to their family.
Many of you bristled at the thought of pursuing a girl who had a boyfriend. It was “wrong” to go after a “taken woman.”
Consider where that thinking would have placed my client and his wife right now. Who it would have benefitted?
It’s a rhetorical question. With the *possible* exception of her ex — who didn’t even fight for her, by the way — nobody would have benefitted from my client staying silent. It would have led to three unhappy people, whereas now there are two very happy people, and another who has a chance to a) evolve and b) be with someone who actually wants him.
Scenarios like these are why I challenge you so often to think about context. Because doing the right thing doesn’t necessarily mean following “the rules.”
You know why?
Because bad people or arrangements often hide behind rules. Abusive partners and indeed entities will use legalese and guilt to say “you can’t leave.” They weaponize your empathy against you, and tell you that you are “bad” if you challenge a dynamic that benefits them instead of you.
It’s the big problem with most “good” people — and we’re seeing this play out across society. “Good” people haven’t integrated their shadow, so they’re not simply blind to evil, they’re controlled by it. They are so afraid of being “bad” that they end up letting bad things happen.
They follow what they’re told to follow on paper, rather than follow their conscience. They speak of integrity, but can they say they really live by it? Or do they really live by fear?
My client could have followed what he was told on paper and let this girl stay with a guy who didn’t treat her well. He would have had an easy “out” if anyone asked why he didn’t make a move. “Oh, she had a boyfriend – couldn’t do anything about it”
Instead he took a risk and decided to act while maintaining his integrity. He didn’t cross any physical lines, but made his intentions and desires known to her. He laid it all out there and put the ball in her court.
He followed his heart, first and foremost. And both him and the girl won because of it.
Which is why it’s no surprise that my now-former client — whose name is Ken Peterson — is now running his own group called Men of Integrity.
If you’re looking for a community of men that will challenge you, support you, and hold you accountable, I recommend you join. It’s still in early stages and is a BARGAIN but it’s growing quickly — I expect it to be a Goliath on par with FoE and the others in the coming years. This isn’t an idle comment; Ken is very serious about his mission, and his energy will beget such an outcome.
My only recommendation is NOT to join if you are not serious about dealing with your bullshit.
This applies to every coach, naturally. But Ken is very intense — your issues will have a spotlight on them, and he won’t let you squirm away. The flip-side is he is VERY compassionate, and will be as committed and involved as you to fixing them.
Anyway, join here. And join fast.
As this group continues to expand, so will the price…
Until next time,
Pat
