Any guy who’s seriously dated around knows that women have some mixed feelings when it comes to other women.

Obviously, they want their guy to themselves. But seeing other women express interest in him tends to trigger “competition anxiety.” Countless men have confirmed a little dose of this jealousy can lead to some incredible sex, as a woman suddenly feels like she might lose her man, and needs to “work” to keep him interested.

Indeed, this is the basis of dread game. On a primal level, women are sexually motivated by fear of abandonment. Push this trigger and a woman who hasn’t integrated these fears will “respond” to those fears accordingly.

(Though note: there is another, less dark way to great sex)

But what about men?

Unfortunately, because of the endless push of masculinizing-propaganda on women, many women seem to think men respond just like them. “If I show him other guys are interested in me, he’ll want me more.”

If I could say anything to these women, it would be STOP. You do not understand how men work, and are only pushing the guy you want away.

Nothing causes a man to emotionally block-out a woman more than seeing her encourage or consider the interest of other men.

Why this is the case, we can speculate on. Perhaps it’s a deeply rooted biological instinct: a woman doesn’t have to worry about knowing her child is her own; what she cares about is a man’s attention — a proxy for protection and resources. Men, in contrast, need to know the woman they’ve given that protection and resources is carrying his child, so they care about sexual fidelity first and foremost.

But it doesn’t really matter why it’s the case, what matters is it IS the case. High quality men do not invest more in women who entertain other men — they divest their commitment, and put them in the “whore” category.

It is bad girl game to disclose interest from other men — men already believe their woman is beautiful and desirable, what they expect is her to only want him, and to rebuff the others. Smart women who have had affairs used to know this, which is why the fairer sex has a penchant for subtlety when it came to other sexual suitors.

Anyway, I mention all of this not to train the women on this list to have affairs better.

But for you gentlemen to understand what you’re dealing with when a woman you’re with does this, and how to respond.

First, as always view the relationship holistically. Was everything good, she’s following your lead, is obsessed with you, when suddenly she mentioned some guy is giving her attention? Perhaps she’s even considering hanging out with said guy?

This is no doubt a red flag, but it may not be as big of one as you think. Reason being: she is telling you. She is not trying to cheat, she is trying to get a reaction.

So the flag here is really more about her still needing external validation and not knowing how to a) deal with that personally and b) communicate her need for attention from you in a healthier way.

Because that’s really what it’s all about — she’s not feeling good about herself, and wants to see you desire her so much you’d get upset about another guy. This is a “win-win” for her re: validation as she gets your reaction (attention) as well as that guy’s. I say this of course in quotes as negative reactions are low consciousness and end up damaging the relationship, and not getting her what she really wants. But that’s really all her unconscious intent is.

So what to do?

Call her out, and find out what’s actually on. Tell her it’s unattractive and a big issue for you when she does this. And ask her why she considered it. Create an analogy for her if necessary.

Yeah, she’ll probably gaslight you a bit and deny it, but stay strong to your boundaries and this will help her grow and leave behind these bad yet common female habits.

But what if the relationship isn’t so great otherwise? What if she’s testing you constantly, and this is just the next step in a wave of drama?

The answer’s pretty straight-forward: end things with her.

Because this is her “final test” — and if you don’t put up this kind of boundary now, she’s going to leave you and/or cheat.

Anyway, as you can tell — it’s all about context.

Which is why you should probably work with a coach.

Because it’s one thing to learn the above, it’s another thing to read the situation — especially when your own emotions are clouding your judgment.

Helps quite a bit to have someone in your corner who can teach you and help you see your predicament objectively.

Someone like yours truly.

Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat

PS Reminder hourly rates are going up the end of the month. So if you’re considering coaching, I’d apply now.