Thread went viral the other day that generated some controversy:
I found it very interesting — mostly because it’s a perfect example of how the pendulum continues to swing back and forth in manosphere, particularly between the red pill / PUA sections and the trads.
A lot of action and reaction, not a lot of synthesis.
Or other words… it makes a few good points but like many in the reactionary trad space, it might get the ultimate objectives correct but doesn’t understand the process very well.
What am I getting at? Let me explain.
One reason the “trad” community is by and large not so good to listen to about women is that they do not really have a good grasp of the female shadow.
There is a black-and-white sort of thinking that you just need to find a good girl and the rest will take care of itself: “Avoid Tinder find yourself a family girl who goes to church and you’re all set.”
I’m sorry but in an age where degenerate propaganda is blasted pretty much everywhere, these things might be net-positives, but nothing is guaranteed. Probably one of the sluttiest girls I’ve ever been with was a church girl who claimed to want a deep, committed relationship but “branch swung” left and right with men.
And guess what? She had a “best friend” who was in love with her for years. Suffice to say she never gave him a chance.
These are common stories, and the excuses “well she wasn’t really a good girl” miss the point. The “Red Pill” and the Pick Up community’s related understanding of female psychology didn’t develop in some theoretical vacuum, it was tested and cultivated in “the field.” It is clinical evidence of how women work and things that work on women.
And it was clinical evidence was born of a realization that the dare-I-say “blue pill” platitudes in the above thread rarely pan out in modern world. Perhaps most crucially, even when they do — they are not proof the same result couldn’t have been achieved more easily through the application of attraction principles… or that existing relationships would improve from them.
It shouldn’t need to be said but far too many modern “best friends marriages” that “work” are at their core passionless. The couples care about each other but aren’t attracted to each other.
And guess what that means? Chore sex, resentment and frustration, and often — in spite of initial friendship — divorce or cheating once the kids grow up.
I have worked with hundreds of men, including many raised under marriages like these (or living lives of quiet misery in them!). They are not the best model, and people only continue to propagate them as an ideal because the don’t know what the fuck they are talking about. I assure you we can do better.
Which is really the crux of the issue with the thread. There is nothing wrong with becoming “best friends” with your wife — it should frankly be a natural progression after years of going through the ups and downs of life with her.
But you probably wouldn’t get that woman if you didn’t have the awareness to turn her on when you first met. And you probably wouldn’t become best friends with her if you didn’t continue to treat her in some way like you did on that first day.
Because what makes a woman really “trust you” like a “best friend” is that you understand her through and through. You know her “dark side” — you help her integrate it. You know what she wants. You are not neutral with her like and you don’t talk to her like you would talk to a dude.
Reject the “either / or.” You can be authentic and still understand sexual polarity. You can “act normal” and still apply game. All game is at its core is awareness of social and sexual dynamics / triggers and knowing when to act on them. It can be applied naturally or manipulatively; with a negative agenda or a positive one.
Anyway, there are other things in the thread that are fair enough — yes, obsession with the sexual marketplace is a sign of trauma. It’s a materialist mindset indicating you’re cut off from love, and frankly the more you think about it the more status-anxiety you are sub-communicating.
But let’s not get into the weeds here.
What I want you to take home is that you really can have it all. You can have a deep, connected relationship that’s also filled with desire.
You just need to do the work.
If you want to hit the ground running, apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
PS It’s OK for your wife to be your “best friend” but you need close male friends too.
