Very interesting topic today that needed to be addressed, as it has now come up a couple of times with different clients… and has shocked pretty much all of them.
Cutting to the chase:
Most guys expect a virgin or comparably sexually inexperienced woman to be shy.
It’s an understandable assumption. A woman who is less social, or who has a more “generalized” anxiety / hesitation towards larger social settings you would THINK would also be the kind of girl unlikely to have much experience romantically.
Well, it’s sometimes true. But not always.
For instance… while it may be less likely that a shy girl isn’t a “party slut”… it’s a stretch to say that she won’t have sexual experience just because she’s not so social.
Indeed… such women are very often EXCELLENT at procuring boyfriends, as they give off not only feminine energy, but are approachable. Even guys without tons of confidence will feel “like a man” and able to pursue such a girl.
Moreover, these girls often really “turn it on” romantically as they get they are insecure and starved of feeling like they belong… so they seek connection through their boyfriend, rather than their mostly-lacking friends.
In other words — these girls might be virginal, or they might be your classic “branch swingers.”
But what about “party girls”? The ones who are always socializing, and bringing people together?
Because we have been programmed to assume all sorts of things about extroverts, it’s commonly thought that these girls are NEVER virgins. If a girl can talk to other people and is friendly, she’s been around the block… or at least won’t be insecure in the bedroom.
Well, I’ve got some news for you lads.
It doesn’t work that way!
Very social and friendly girls are often that way BECAUSE of their sexual and romantic issues. They find it difficult to connect to someone else on an intimate level, so they make friends with everybody instead.
They are “social butterflies” so they can bury their fears of getting heartbroken.
Which means that while it’s true that some of these girls just “get around” because they “live in the moment” and don’t want to be tied down… and are always looking for the next best thing…
Others just honestly don’t date. Ever.
It’s a struggle for them, and they avoid it at all costs. They feel awkward and unattractive, or at least don’t know how to proceed.
Which REALLY throws guys off… because they start wondering: “Does she actually like me? She’s putting off sex, but she seems really engaged. What should I do?”
It’s a question tons of guys blunder. They either get aggressive or pull back, and blow up the situation. So the girl disappears… seemingly indifferent to him, and off with her group of friends.
Which is a shame, because these girls are actually very interested — just skittish.
Point of all of this?
Calibration is EVERYTHING when it comes to game.
Yes, you need to understand the basics of attraction — but after that you will find that the real requirement isn’t “learning more” but “applying correctly.”
It is navigating very subtle contexts and individual personalities.
And the best way to do that is with an experienced coach.
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
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6/1/21 – Flattery “Red Flags”, Women Judging Your Masculinity?, Commitment Anxiety