Great little conversation presented itself the other day on Twitter that caused some controversy:
What do I think?
Well first off, I need to be clear about something.
I know a lot of guys in the corner are blasé or dismissive about a man engaging in some discreet cheating. “It’s normal and natural, to be expected.”
I’m not a fan of this angle. I know the options and impulse are always there for high-value men… but this isn’t the path to a good relationship.
Even if you “get away with it,” and the woman doesn’t leave you, it’s painful for her — and inhibits deeper levels of connection. It’s hard to excuse breaking a lifetime commitment under any circumstances.
But I also need to take issue with guys who try to over-extrapolate on this topic. It’s been going around that as a man you “can’t trust” guys who cheat on their woman.
And I’m sorry… but this just simply isn’t true.
The impulse a guy has to get laid by a different girl has really no bearing on his relationship with other men. Some of the most loyal and dedicated guys to their male friends I’ve ever known fucked around with other women.
And conversely, some of the WORST, least trustworthy weasels in the world would never cheat on their woman.
There are different kinds of integrity; sexual integrity is a different beast than general.
Why is this the case?
Couple ways you could look at it.
From an unconscious perspective, you could argue that anima/animus is the part of the psyche that deals with our relationships with the opposite sex (which includes a strong impulse towards sex). And our shadow is the part that deals with more generalized character — how evil or weak we can get as a man.
Another way is that is straight-up chauvinism. I hate to use the term, but it’s true — some guys just don’t consider honor applicable in their relationships with women. They treat men and women differently.
But no reason to get super complicated with it.
What you need to watch for the most when it comes to trusting such a man isn’t so much whether or not he cheats, but how he handles himself and the affair. Is he terrified of being found out? How does he handle her confronting him?
Fact is a lot of high-value men are kinda unapologetic about their affairs, and this is actually a mark TOWARDS their trustworthiness. You may not like that they operate in this way towards their woman, but this is just another reflection of them “doing what they want.” They keep it on the DL — but they acknowledge it.
The cheating guys that are a problem are those who freak out about being found out, yet continue with the affair. Who NEED their fix.
These guys are SNEAKING around — they are afraid of their woman. They are cheating from a position of weakness and not strength.
Which means that they will throw you or anybody else under the bus to protect their own image. They will trash YOU to the same woman they are cheating on, or blame you for encouraging them. Perhaps they will even make up stories about you.
The lesson here my friends is simple:
It’s not about cheating, it’s about FEAR.
It’s about low-consciousness.
As always.
Anyway, doesn’t mean you have a license from me to cheat so long as it’s “from strength.” The strongest men have options and don’t pursue them.
Just showing you that there are levels to these things. Discernment is necessary.
And if you want help cultivating that discernment?
Apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
PS Check out my last video on Youtube. Cover Soul Choices, Getting Over Heartbreak, When To Say “I Love You”… and even a little interlude on the power of music on consciousness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAVXVLkxPLM
