Gonna post a “trigger warning” for a lot of the guys reading this, as it may not be their cup of tea.
But there’s a new phenomenon going on in dating that bucks a lot of the conventional manosphere wisdom.
Something I’ve noticed before, and commented on disdainfully.
But my tune’s changing a bit… and I’ll explain why.
I’m talking about the increasing “pairing up” of older women and younger men.
Many reasons have been given for this new phenomenon.
The most common, of course, is feminism. Women are getting jobs, most men are not. The dating market is a mess… and a lot of women thus either find themselves divorced, or unable to find a guy with the resources to marry.
So with a dearth of established suitors, these women decide to do something more common to well-off men — trade their resources for youth and beauty. And so they date men 5, 10 — even 15 years their junior.
Now obviously, economics DO play a role in this. Hypergamy is real, bla bla bla, women aren’t going to date “down” so it’s hardly surprising many will decide to be “sugar mommas.”
But I’m not just referring to those who are in it for sex. That has frankly always existed, even if it’s more common today.
I’m talking about truly romantic ones. Ones that are not based on resources — of which in many cases there isn’t a massive difference between the parties — but on simple connection.
Some of this undoubtedly derivative of the “electra complex” — a woman “mothering” a younger man, and this mentoring taking on a sexual overtone.
But a large part of this new phenomenon has to do with the changing energies.
I’m going to be writing a more substantive “cornerstone content” blog post on this soon.
But as a little taste, to zoom in on this issue… men may hate to hear it, but women have in truth been HIGHER CONSCIOUS on average than men these last 50 or so years.
The “hippie movement” and the return to the earth, the spiritual awakening… this was feminine energy, and it was moving out of the weakness / helplessness distortion and becoming empowered and wise.
To the extent that the movement became a JOKE to many, and to the extent that “women’s empowerment” and feminism have become the domain of nasty, low consciousness, traumatized women is because these energies were to a certain extent “hijacked” by the powers-that-be.
For our purposes here, the point is that there has been an imbalance in energies this past half century, and that propaganda aside, this is responsible in many ways for the changing sexual market and convoluted sexual dynamics.
Men have been either emotionally shut down or “nice guys” too much in their feminine, and weak.
The good news?
All that is changing. Masculine energy — a healthy, integrated masculine energy is returning.
(Helping to catalyze this into men is indeed the work I do)
But the result is in the meantime, a lot of the young guys who have this light within them are mature beyond their cohort. And so it’s difficult for them to find women their age they can relate to… many are either too young, and still caught up in the propaganda.
The result has been that many of this “young kings” are finding it easier to relate to and connect with women older than them.
Unfortunately, biology does get in the way of many of these relationships succeeding. 2-3 years is one thing to get past, but 5+… you are on very different clocks.
But they can be profound experiences nevertheless, and help many men to expand their own emotional and spiritual development dramatically.
Anyway, should you get into one of these?
I don’t “recommend” it. But I also don’t want to shame it, if it’s in alignment with you.
Just always remember to be aware of the FACTS.
And the facts are her looks will fade much faster than yours, and you may not be able to have children — or will be forced to do much faster to keep up with her clock. This pressure makes serious relationships difficult.
But you do you.
There is much to learn from such women. They are often very wise… and can help you grow as a man. It’s a big contrast compared to younger women, who often have no idea what they want and will waste your time.
Trade-offs, as always.
If you want help navigating them, apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
