The magnificent Shawn T Smith made a very interesting comment the other day:
Which inspired me to produce my own version:
Does she want to get married, or does she want to be a wife?
Something not very polite to talk about these days. Sounds misogynistic just stating it.
“What do you mean, that women have to act a certain way when they get married?!?”
Well yeah actually I am saying that. And it’s kind of sad that it’s even controversial, but that’s where we are.
Indeed, you might say the big reason so many women are not finding too many men eager to “tie the knot” is because women by and large have forgotten how men work — and that being a wife is a “job” (though it should be an enjoyable one, not hard).
In fact you could go so far as to say the priorities are completely inverted.
For most women, the focus is work, children, and then — if even considered — husband.
Whereas in reality the order should be the opposite. The husband should come first — even above the children — because nothing makes a child feel more secure than seeing his parents in love. And all the investment put into the relationship generates more energy and teamwork to tackle the kids and any financial / work related issues.
But unfortunately many women view marriage as a “status symbol” — something to “get,” not something to cultivate.
No bueno.
So I recommend you screen for these attitudes gentlemen.
It’s not really about her working. It’s fine for women to work — women who work part-time (paid or community work) are actually more satisfied generally than full-time homemakers. And there are of course women who have integrated their masculine and feel a strong purpose in their full-time work; there’s no reason they shouldn’t be able to this. Demanding a woman do this or that — taking away her choice — is low consciousness and not the point of this email.
The point is that far too many women today simply don’t understand or care to understand how men work and how to make men happy. Which makes them — even if they are good women — bad wives.
But what to do if you’ve married such a woman already? Should you jump ship?
I don’t recommend drastic actions until you’ve exhausted all other options.
First, of course, is to take stock of how *you* are showing up. Are you in shape? Are you being decisive? Are you financially self-sustained?
Sometimes these problems fix themselves when you start looking and acting like a man.
And yet, it takes two to tango. So if you’ve done all the above… yet she still can’t seem to reciprocate…
You need to be willing to speak the truth and express your needs… and be willing to walk if they’re not met.
Be patient. Changes take time, and this could be very abrupt for her.
But also be firm. “Talk” is cheap. You need to see a change in her intent and orientation.
Whether or not such a relationship will make it varies.
It depends on her. What choices she makes.
The only thing you can control is you, and how you lead this transition.
Which is why you might want to consider working with me.
Because whether or not you’re dating and trying to screen out such women… or you’re married and you’re trying to shift the dynamics of the relationship…
I will maximize your chances of success.
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
