Interesting situation occurring recently with one of my clients.
Something that might be controversial for many of you… yet is I believe important to address.
The backstory:
My client is an attractive, confident guy. High energy. Recently out of a divorce but has processed what went wrong and is angling for a better future.
At his gym, he meets this trainer. She’s very fit, also high energy. There’s an immediate connection.
Only problem?
She’s engaged.
Game over, right? Not so fast.
This girl continues to flirt HARD. She texts my client. Gives tons of signals. So he decides to explore it. He invites her to a workout class and then to lunch. She accepts.You might think there are bad signs all over at this point. Low integrity on his end, and of course on her end. She’s giving signals to cheat, and he’s trying to swoop some other guy’s girl.
But here’s why you’d be wrong:
There is nothing wrong with “stealing” another man’s girl when she is asking to be stolen, provided you go about it the right way.
We will get to these particulars in a moment.
But the truth is that women do not always choose the men they commit to out of love and alignment. Women can be as practical as men. You get to a certain point in your life, and perhaps you decide something is better than nothing and decide to make the best of it.
Which is why if you meet a woman like this, and you have a strong pull towards her — as she does for you — and you decline to pursue out of “honor”… I have a question for you…
Do you have any masculine energy in you at all?
Men compete all the time. If a woman is desirable, competition over her is inevitable. When another man stake’s his claim, does that mean you are out of the game — especially if she is not yet married?
Only if you decide so. However, I’d offer that you are not only hurting yourself, and her, but you’re even hurting the other guy by declining to explore the energy and get to the truth of it.
Because despite what he might tell himself, life is not going to be happy — and divorce is probably likely anyway — if he commits to a woman who is not all that enthralled with him.
So stealing a girl is OK, especially if she’s not yet married. Engagement is “under contract” — the sale isn’t final, and it doesn’t count.
But how to execute this steal is of course the devil in the details.
First rule:
You MUST make your intentions clear after a reasonable period of time.
If you’ve both been flirting, she’s been giving you heavy signals, and she wants to spend 1-1 time with you… you need to call it out.
The reason for this is twofold:
– you are letting her know there is another option for her so she can seriously consider you, and
– you avoid the tension devolving into a ‘friend-zone’ dynamic or compartmentalized affair.
Moreover, there is a certain honor in this… and romantic intensity. You are a man, and you go after what you want. You are desirable, and she is the object of your desire. Women go crazy over these stories.
Which brings us to the second rule… is perhaps harder, yet it is essential:
You CANNOT allow the dynamic to enter into the physical.
It’s fascinating that relationships born out of affairs almost never succeed.
Part of this is indeed the compartmentalized nature of affairs — people in a sexually depolarized marriage will often outsource the sex, but not the whole connection — so after the marriage collapses, the affair loses its luster. There is a complicated gravitational balance to these romantic dramas, and taking one piece off the board often changes the dynamic among all the others.
But the other reason affairs rarely become healthy, sustaining relationships is because having an affair CURSES the two of you.
You can view this on an esoteric level, and you’d be correct. There is some energetic that haunts the dynamic, and never allows it to flourish. The other party becomes tainted — a constant reminder of your own sins, a vector for guilt and thus projection.
But to bring it to a practical level… how can you trust someone who cheated on someone else with you?
You can’t.
So, no matter the tension… you can’t cross that threshold. She needs to decide who she wants CLEANLY.
And how to make her make the right choice?
We’ll talk about that one tomorrow 😉
In the meantime, if you want some technical support from yours truly…
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
