That’s right, we’ve got a sex email for you today.
Want to reveal some stuff from a conversation I had with a friend the other weekend, as it’s a question I get very often from clients:
“I can’t last very long, how can I change this?”
Well, while there are a lot of psychological reasons for this problem… that’s not what I’m going to focus on right now.
(That’s a good topic to cover on a 1-1 with me, as I can dig deep and get you to the root of it)
Today we’re focusing on the physical.
Because yes, while how long you last with a girl has a ton to do with your mental state… if you are not “physically fit” in this respect, then there’s a good chance you will struggle. In fact, I’m going to share something personal with you to underline this…
But first, the details.
There are two proven ways to *physically* improve your stamina in bed.
The first you’ve probably heard of before:
Kegels.
“Kegels” are often associated with a female sexual (and pregnancy) practice to strengthen the walls of the vagina. It’s commonly noted that this is what makes a woman “tight” or loose down there.
(Lot of truth to this, as kegels protect against tearing during birth, which keeps a woman tighter… and the degree of her ability to squeeze (aka Kegel muscles) creates a tight sensation during sex… though it’s still somewhat different than baseline tightness)
But I digress, we’re talking about guys here.
Your kegel muscles are actually a series of muscles, and they range from the one that feels beneath you dick (this is what you’d flex to “make your dick dance”) and all the way back to you anus. The final one in them middle is under your perineum.
Strengthening this muscle regularly will develop your ability to hold your orgasm, and also — when the time comes — intensify it.
So practice doing this when sitting down or hanging around. Some guys do concentrated reps and sets with this, but honestly I just do it randomly throughout the day. Not like anybody would know 😉
The second way to last longer takes a bit more concentrated practice, however.Some may indeed rebel against this suggestion. But I’d argue it’s the most important of the two.
And that’s edging.
This is a practice in a lot of traditions when it comes to amplifying sexual energy. If you’re my age you probably first heard of this as “tantra” in American Pie 2 (I say quotes cause it’s a massive western adulteration of what tantra actually is).
But as it’s understood, it’s basically a way to pool your sexual energy, and also gain control over it.
What you do is pretty simple…
You masturbate and bring yourself close to orgasm… and then stop.
And then you keep doing that over and over again.
If you really push yourself with this, you might “go over the edge.”
But what you’ll find is interesting… you don’t have the “come down” that you normally would after an orgasm. Indeed, if you try to halt it, you might only ejaculate a little.
(This is the route to multiple orgasms, or non-ejaculatory orgasms, but maybe we’ll discuss that another time)
Anyway, the benefit of all of this is that you get used to getting close to cumming… but are able to control it, slow down, and then build up again.
And the kegel work makes it easier to physically control it.
Now, a couple of points of order.
First: make sure you breathe deep into your balls when you practice. You should feel a ton of energy move down there… get used to this, this is you really feeling your sexual energy for the first time instead of dissociating from it. Move it up your spine, to your head, and back down again.
Second: DO NOT USE PORN WHEN DOING THIS
Porn will dissociate you from what can actually be a spiritual practice, and will have cascade side effects when it comes to sex.
Porn CAN help guys to last longer but the reason for this is not a positive… it’s not because you have more control, it’s because you’re desensitized. And that will only make you enjoy the sexual experience less (and can eventually lead to impotence).
Finally, I want to emphasize that this is a PRACTICE. It will take time to get used to this, and if you stop doing it, you will lose your stamina.
Case in point, I started doing this stuff a decade ago… by the time I started really hitting my stride in dating in 2012-13, I would rarely lose control. I could last pretty much as long as I needed to.
This was as you might imagine pretty incredible experience for women.
But, as the years went on, and I got into a sexual routine with my wife… gradually my stamina decreased.
Which while we were both still getting satisfied… was making the sex less passionate or exciting.
So I had to get back into the practice all over again like a newbie… which shook up the sex life accordingly.
Point of all of this?
Sexual stamina is not something you are born with.
It is indeed one of the MOST controllable things in your sex life.
So do the above.
And if you’re still having problems?
Well my friend, assuming you’re in solid health, the issue is probably in your head.
The good news:
I am an expert at resolving sexual insecurity in men.
I’ve been through it myself, and have a pretty much 100% success rate in either solving or substantially improving it.
So if you struggle with above…
Apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
