The brilliant Taylor Burrowes had an interesting suggestion for young men last night:
I love the rebellion against conventional dating wisdom, which is to grab dinner, drinks, or coffee with a girl early on.
“Active” dates (aka during the day and involve you moving around) in contrast don’t usually get much love. But should they?In my humble opinion, it depends.
Namely on the context of the locale (not that there aren’t physical adventures to be found, but NYC isn’t exactly nature-central, compared to say Boulder), and on how you judge the woman’s personality of course… But most importantly…
It depends on YOU.
What do YOU want to do?
I believe I understand Taylor’s fundamental point to be that active dates get the blood flowing… they can be very good to get a woman to “feel” your energy. I’d also imagine the pheromones tend to come out even more.
(Getting sweaty with a girl in one context will make her feel more comfortable doing it in another…)
But with respect to Taylor I also think it’s important to recognize your strengths.
If you don’t drink, and you’re near the beach or mountains, and have experience exploring these places for instance… going on a hike or a swim or kayaking sounds excellent.You are bringing a woman into your world, and you are showing off your physical prowess… or at least comfort in that realm.
She FEELS that this is what it’s like being with you. You are a wild man, at home in nature. Moreover, you are different. You’re MOVING. It’s unlike any other date she’s been on. It’s exciting… it’s an adventure.
But what if you’re not one of those people? What if the great outdoors are a bit out of your comfort zone?
You can of course push against that, but don’t feel pressured to discard proven formulas.
Personally, I think these dates are ideal for AFTER the first… especially since you don’t know what kind of person you are dealing with, and it’s nice to have an escape hatch. But if you have an intuition about a girl, and there is something active you want to do… switching up the playbook and inviting her to join you isn’t a bad thing. These “spontaneous” dates are indeed often the most powerful.
In other words the TL;DR is:
– This is a great idea, as it moves energy from the mind to the body, amplifies pheromones, and gets things moving physical
– Where you are located makes a big impact – some places / scenes are more conducive than others
– However unless you have an intuition, best to use these for after the first date, so you can assess basic compatibility
Broad overview, of course. Specific advice to you is a different story.
If you want that guidance, apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
