Hope you enjoyed yesterday’s breakdown of the men in Sixteen Candles.

But there was another element I wanted to mention from the film… Because while it’s fun and useful to talk about archetypes, the reality is that movies are a snapshot in time.

They don’t capture an individual’s growth, or the evolution of a relationship.

They take a moment, and they turn this moment into something immortal.

For instance, at the end of Sixteen Candles, you have the sensitive handsome jock, Jake with his new infatuation, Sam, next to a birthday cake he presumably got for her (remember, everyone had forgotten her birthday).

He tells her to make a wish. She says “it already came true.”

They kiss.

Roll credits.

Beautiful and charming, no doubt. Two people’s romantic fantasies, coming together after an excruciating 48 hours of struggle and delayed gratification.

(Yes, their obsession with each other literally developed over a two day period lol)

But will this relationship last?

Almost certainly NO

Indeed, it might not even last the rest of Jake’s high school year.

For a couple of reasons:

1) They are of totally different social groups. Jake is cool and rich, Sam is not. She might be tolerated by Jake’s guy friends, but the girls in his circle will go out of their way to destroy her. He might not care at first… but eventually life will become pretty difficult for him.

2) Sam has low self-esteem. She’ll get a high from dating Jake, but that will wear off – especially when the girls in his social group harass and humiliate her regularly. She will try to push him away, because she won’t feel good enough for him.

3) Jake is a little too nice and struggles to assert what he wants. Assuming he stays interested in her, and if she doesn’t blow the relationship up, his need to make her happy will. This happens all the time with attractive guys — they don’t understand how women work. She will take him for granted if won’t set any boundaries or standards for her own behavior.

And most importantly:

They’ve only known each other for a few hours and really have no idea who each other is and whether or not they are actually interested in each other rather than just the fantasy.

As you can see, there are multiple points of failure. The whole affair could literally last 2 weeks.

(And I didn’t even mention the effect college might have on Jake’s attention for Sam…)

So, the moral of all of this?

Not what you might think, because I don’t think I really need to tell you guys Hollywood creates fake impressions of reality.

Rather, it’s in general to be wary of drawing conclusions about relationship compatibility based on initial attraction.

Because circumstance and fantasy can bring two people together who actually have not so much in common.

And holding up such “relationships” as real… let alone ideal is foolish.

Sure, nothing wrong with having a fling. Nothing wrong with a whirlwind romance. It’s part of the pageantry of life.

But it ain’t something to hang your hat on.

Genuine, healthy attraction based on something deep and solid isn’t an infatuation. It is a natural pulling of two people together. It’s easy, but it’s not obsessive.

Which is why it’s a shame so many people miss out, and keep chasing the fleeting highs.

Hard to blame them though. If you’re messed up yourself, it’s all you’ll look for… and all you’ll be able to get.

If you want to learn how to get one of these top-tier, natural relationships — and better yet, keep one — you need to do the inner work and learn how to understand women. You need to heal, and be able to see past games… even while playing them when necessary.

And if you want help with all of this?

Sinple, really.

Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat