Got a question from the great Matias about something I tweeted last fall:

There are two parts to the answer.

But first, we need to make a distinction.

Because there is a difference between GENERAL procrastination and SPECIFIC procrastination.

General procrastination is an AVOIDANCE pattern. It’s an indication that there is a part of you who does not want to go along with whatever agenda you’ve planned, even if that agenda is “objectively” good for you.

It is a resistance of the inner child — the creative, intuitive center — against the realistic, rational parent.

The child feels bullied by the parent, unappreciated, ignored… and so it has low self-worth. It develops ANXIETY. And that anxiety causes it to AVOID doing things.

(Anyone with an avoidance pattern has anxiety. It’s just an internalization of the anxiety instead of an externalization)

Which is the issue with most of the rah rah manosphere “you’ve got to be disciplined” speeches, because these address the parent rather than the child part of the psyche. They don’t address the psychological root of the problem — this anxiety — and instead implicitly label the issue as laziness, which is not the problem (indeed, it can even make the problem worse).

In bro-man’s terms, this is like trying to lift upper body again to improve your physique when you’re skipping leg day.

So what to do?

Stop forcing yourself to do things. And ask the child what he needs, and give him it.

(Something I guide clients through regularly in my coaching, with generally incredible results)

So that’s for general procrastination issues. But what about if the issue is more specific?

Well, that’s usually an indication that something you are doing is out of alignment.

It’s connected to the above, because the child plays a major role in determining alignment.

But, it’s also distinct… because if your procrastination is only specific, then it’s less about your overall “relationship with yourself,” and more about internal communication.

It’s feedback. “Hey, we don’t like doing this. Maybe we should outsource it. Maybe we’re in the wrong job.”

And this is not just about work, obviously. It also comes into play with other “performance anxieties”…

But anyway, don’t want to mire you in tangents.

If you want to pick my brain, and change your relationship with yourself… and of course, women…

Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat