The other day the great Komander Xander commented on the following tweet:
Which was a great opportunity for me, as I realized this new fad of modern women claiming to be “sapiosexual” is something I’ve never addressed.
So what’s the story with it? Is it real or not?
As usual, there’s some nuance to this.
Sapiosexuality means “a person who finds intelligence to be a sexually attractive trait in others.”
So basically… it’s women (because let’s be honest – 90% who use the term are women) thinking intelligence is attractive.
Wow, who would have thought! Women like intelligent guys?
Yeah, they do… especially if they are somewhat smart themselves. Any woman who has crossed into 4D consciousness is going to care about intelligence, because so much of the attraction is going to come from a psychological point of view.
They are going to want the guy to be as clever as them (so they get each others’ jokes), and they are going to want to date someone enough on their IQ level that they can have interesting conversation with them.
But I don’t want to create a strawman here. Obviously there’s a distinct difference between a woman who wants an intelligent guy, and a woman who describes herself as a sapiosexual.
Yes, most women want a guy with brains… but they don’t want a brainiac. They roll their eyes when he waxes poetic about Hegel or Foucault (or whatever bullshit philosopher he tries to show off).
So what makes these women different?
These women are not very feminine, and have their own identity wrapped up in their (often limited) intellectual knowledge.
They consider themselves smart, and need to be smart to feel good about themselves. So if the biggest thing they have to offer is intelligence, the most attractive thing (obviously) has to be intelligence in general.
It’s the usual kind of solipsism — “I am X, therefore it’s hot.”
That said, they’re still women… and crave deep down for a man to dominate them. They just simply want him to prove his dominance through intellectual verbiage.
He will need to debate her and drop all sorts of facts and inferences on the very proper, educated topics she tests him with, to “totally understand the excellent work Medicains sans Frontieres (you must say it in French) has done to help children in South Sudan, as well as the benefits of international aid more broadly, but to also acknowledge the downstream affects on healthcare, farming, and migration crises caused by global intervention.”
In other words: she needs a man who will both affirms her ego by acknowledging her ideas, while also being smart enough to “neg” her ideas and create tension.
It’s like an Aaron Sorkin TV show (House of Cards, West Wing). The more of a witty know-it-all you are, the higher you rise in the sexual marketplace.
But there’s a catch to all of this… one that’s quite amusing.
While these “sapiosexual” boxes do need to be checked (you can’t sound dumb around these women)…… the women are STILL only going to be fundamentally interested in you if you’re physically attractive, self-sufficient… and especially if you know game and are MASCULINE.
So basically, you need to be able to engage in her “smart person” conversation… but you still need to do everything else, like with every other girl.
The pro is that you will likely sleep with her quickly if you pass this test (most men probably don’t); the con is that she will probably be annoying and not very fun or sweet as you date her more. Highly intellectual girls are usually neurotic.
Now, that doesn’t mean you want to avoid intelligent girls. Quite the opposite — if you are smart yourself, it’s a necessity.
But you want a girl who can talk about the world, not one whose sense of self revolves around showing her knowledge off.
Hyper-intellectuality is a bad trait in men — it’s all head, not heart nor body — but in a woman it is a serious emotional dysfunction.
So TL;DR, treat the term “sapiosexual” as a red flag.
And if you want to learn to discern other red flags?
You can grab my masterclass here: https://masterclass.patstedman.com/sales-page
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